I just got my hair cut the other day. From past my shoulders, almost mermaid-length hair, [you know, the kind that covers your whole boob…which to be fair isn’t hard in my case because I have itty bitty tiddies] to now a face-framing bob. Short hair isn’t new for me, but it’s been a while – probably close to 8 years.
However, I decided it was time to chop it off. I was getting too “Little House on the Prairie” looking. Like I should be churning butter and sleeping in a braid at night. The scattered gray hairs, I felt, made it worse. So, chop chop.
Vince was shocked but liked it.
Gianna was in love.
Evie didn’t even notice.
Marina was there watching me get it cut and didn’t seem to care.
Scarlett barely tried to hide her immediate distaste and said I looked like I had Karen hair.
I love that she feels close enough to me to insult me right to my face at such a vulnerable time. No one is more insecure than someone that just cut their hair super short. Good thing I have relatively thick skin.
The following morning, post haircut, I was on the way to school with Scarlett. She’s driving and while at a red light she looks over and says, “I like the hair, Mom. You just got to show more collarbone.” Ok? So no turtlenecks, got it.
The light turns, she continues to drive, and then starts talking about the future – something she does often. She’ll be in the middle of the most amazing experience ever and the child would say that she couldn’t wait for {name something that will happen in the future.} Like, carpe diem Scarlett. Enjoy this moment.
Anyways, she starts saying that she’s figured out what she wants to be for Halloween – a topic she’s been mulling over since 9:49pm October 31st of last year. “I think I want to be that girl from Mean Girls. You know, the girl with the backwards K and who dresses like a Mouse. Either that or Top Gun, or Katniss Everdeen.”
I glance over. “So you don’t have it figured out then. That’s three options.”
“Well, there’s Friday AND Saturday, Mom.” She was clearly exasperated that I didn’t understand she would need more than one costume. Meanwhile, I was questioning the Florida school system for the 80th time because the child had just named three options. I let it pass though.
“What’s that girl’s name again?” I asked. She couldn’t remember and neither could I so I pulled up my phone to do a quick search. Ah, Karen Smith. That’s right. As I scrolled through the images of Karen as a mouse I came across a picture of Regina George’s mom. There was a costume you could wear. You know, when she wears the all pink velour sweatsuit and has huge fake boobies. Pretty much everything not me.
“Ooo, that would be fun. Look. I could be Regina’s mom.“
Scarlett looks over at me. Then at my newly cut hair. “You’d look like Vector.”
Fucking asshole.
Now, not all of you may know who Vector is. But it’s the guy from Despicable Me that wears the all orange jumpsuit and has a damn bowl cut for a hairstyle….
Jerk said she liked my hair.
