locked door

I am wrapping up a blog post right now that talks about the status of mine and Vince‘s sex life, post-vasectomy. You know, typical things people share online to family and strangers alike. Anyways, as I was writing it, I had the thought in the back of my mind that my kids and some of their friends might read it. Of course, this wouldn’t be the first TMI post I’ve shared. See here. But when I wrote about our sex life back then, I didn’t really think my kids would be reading it until they were older. Like 20s. However, I’ve learned that they do read what I write. Not all of it and not right away, but it happens.

So, I thought it might be wise to come up with a label or warning that would give them a heads up prior to reading that tells them the content might scar their innocent baby eyes. Even though they’ve seen worse on Ginny and Georgia, it’s different thinking that your parents do anything remotely sexual. I get it. I still get grossed out when Vince’s parents talk about sex and I’m 41. The label would be like a locked door. If they choose to open that door, it’s their own damn fault what they see.

A Locked Door Freak Out

Funny story, years ago when Gianna was maybe 10, Vince and I were attempting to have some private time. Keep in mind, private time lasts maybe 5 minutes tops and that counts getting our clothes off and on. I can’t recall what the girls were doing at this time, but it was daylight. I think they were in their rooms still sleeping. So, we locked the door, something we rarely did, and got to work.

Moments later, we hear someone attempt to open the door. It was G. Realizing the door was locked, she immediately connected the dots in her 10-year-old brain that we were likely on the other side, probably getting frisky.

She was not pleased.

The child started to freak out and demand we open the door. I’m not exaggerating when I say “freak out”. She lost her shit. We ignored her but she continued to lose her mind. When we didn’t come to unlock the door, she went outside of our ranch home, and came to our bedroom windows, shrieking at us to stop what we were doing and let her in.

She knew what we were doing but she wanted in. Listen child, you should be grateful that we locked the door. You don’t want the image of your parents doing it etched on your psyche. It can’t be good for your emotional health. You should also be grateful that your parents still do it, even if it’s like once a month. If your parents do it, that likely means they aren’t going to separate any time soon. As much as you might love the idea of two Christmases, it’s a good thing that we stay together.

I do love this story though because at some point in her life, she will have her door locked for the same reason and I am most definitely going to mess with her.

Trying to Avoid Therapy

So, the locked door label is to protect my kids from scarring mental images. If they choose to run around, scream, and demand to be let in, that’s their choice. I’m putting up a shield to try and prevent any additional conversations they would need in therapy someday. Future blog posts and content that might be scarring will be labeled. This can also shield anyone that maybe doesn’t like to read about my sex life.

If you see the locked door label, consider yourself warned and proceed at your own risk.