The age gap between my kids is pretty significant and for the most part, 100% intentional. Four and a half years separates Scarlett from Gianna. Baby girl #3, who is due in June, will be almost 9 years younger than Scarlett. I intentionally waited to try for another baby. I’ve talked about those reasons before. So now, here I am essentially starting all over again when my oldest is 13.
One big thing for me that is different about this pregnancy is now I have two little mothers around who want to be involved, but who are also watching me and judging. I never had to deal with two girls constantly analyzing my choices and behaviors with any of my other pregnancies. They were both too young before to truly know or care about any of that.
But this time, they are involved and it’s super, super sweet and super fucking annoying at the same time.
The Bad – What I Eat & Drink
I can’t stand people being concerned with my food choices. Most of this stems from my eating disorder years ago. That annoyance with people analyzing what I choose to eat hasn’t gone away. This is still my body dammit. Just because it’s housing another life doesn’t mean I don’t still own this aging, flapping, under 5 foot frame.
But being pregnant now, around my girls, they are hyper aware of when I make questionable choices.
For example, there have been times I did not want to eat dinner because I felt like a damn stuffed sausage. My maternity pants resting under my boobs and my bladder exploding every 10 minutes. During those times, I just don’t feel like there’s any room in my stomach for food. How can I fit anything in my stomach when there’s a cantaloupe-sized being taking over my insides and I’m breathing like I just ran 200m?
I pick at food when I feel like that. Like maybe just eat a sweet potato or something. But when I make that choice, I get side-eyed from my two little mothers.
Judging….always judging.
Or when I choose to eat, but my choice/craving might be sushi. It’s cooked for the love of God, I’m not going to get sick. But they see me eating it and give the passive aggressive comment “are you supposed to eat that?” Yes, dicks. It’s fine. Mind your own business.
Or God forbid I have the occasional glass of wine. Yes, yes. I’ve had a few glasses of wine here and there. I did with both my other pregnancies as well and my other two turned out relatively fine. Save for the fact that they are assholes….but I secretly like that about them.
The real problem is this time I have them watching me drink a glass of red. Scarlett has taken her judgement on this behavior a step further and resorted to full blown Catholic-guilt use. She has cupped my belly, knelt down and whispered that she’s sorry to the baby in my belly that “that Mommy is killing her with a glass of wine”.
She is vicious.
Now listen, Linda. I am by no means condoning getting trashed when you are preggo. No way. But 1 small glass of wine here and there isn’t going to bring the house down. There’s conflicting advice from actual doctors and Dr. Internet so I say, do what makes you happy but don’t be an idiot about it.
Before, when I was pregnant with Gianna or Scarlett, I was free to have a glass of wine in my home occasionally when I wanted to celebrate something or enjoy a glass with my dinner. Now, I have to deal with the constant judgement from these two and defend my choices to them. I know they have pure and good intentions, and many people will agree with them. But I’m the mom and it’s my body. I don’t feel like I am making the wrong choice…and this is still America dammit. (Even if people are being forced to wear face masks.)
The Good – Watching the Belly Grow
OK, so all that above was the negative crap about having them be older and go through this pregnancy with me. But actually there is so much unexpected sweetness in them being the ages they are right now.
They are both actually excited about the size increases each week, learning that baby sister is either the size of a fig or a rollerblade (really, the objects these pregnancy apps compare the baby’s size to are freaking weird with their choices). The girls find it so cool, and somewhat gross, to know that something that size is sitting in my belly. They love feeling her kick, hiccup constantly, and squirm around. They weird out seeing how my belly button has basically disappeared. They fight to lay next to me at night just to feel her. My heart melts when I see them both laying near me with their hands resting on my belly.
They oogle over baby clothes and the cloth diaper stash I am collecting. Both have already selected their choices for sister’s take home outfit. They helped decorate the nursery and have been very vocal about what we should and should not name her when she’s born. Having them be a part of all this planning is a challenge to my nature because I like making those types of decisions myself. Because I’m a control freak of course. But I love that they care.
The Neutral – Having Another Sister for Comparison
As I’ve said before, my girls can be assholes. Which means they are both looking forward to baby sister #3 for how they want this baby to affect the other.
Gianna can’t wait for this baby because she wants Scarlett to see how annoying it is to have a little sister (borrowing clothes, not leaving you alone, etc). Scarlett can’t wait for this baby because she thinks she will like her more than G, and she wants Gianna to be jealous. So, both of them want to use this baby to make the other feel like shit.
Typical girls, right?
Regardless of it all, I am grateful that we decided to try again and have another baby. It’s given me experiences and memories I would have never had, and we are all excited and a little nervous to greet baby sister in just a few short weeks.
This is sooooooo sweet, when I’ve talked to Scarlett the last couple of times, you could see how excited she is. She took me on a tour of their new rooms and went through all the baby stuff and explained everything. I can only imagine how you feel with the way they are being Krissy. I just love talking to her and hearing about whats going on and the excitement in her voice about everything!!!!!!?❤
That is so sweet & flippen funny all in one! So happy for you all. Post pictures when she arrives & have that whole bottle of wine when she does! Love & miss you all!