My original plan had been to break society’s rules and not have my kids believe in Santa. It didn’t feel right in my heart creating all the lies that surround the “magic.” Sure, a part of me felt a little sad that they wouldn’t have the joy and wonder, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was wrong to start off my child’s life with an unnecessary lie.
I would have gone with my heart and mind….if it weren’t for my husband Vince and the family that surrounded us. People were horrified at the thought of me not continuing on the tradition of the great Santa Lie.
I didn’t have a bad Santa experience
Sure, as a kid I remember the excitement Christmas morning. The anticipation Christmas Eve, looking up to the skies to see if you could catch a glimpse of the sleigh. I remember making lists and trying extra hard to be good that time of year. And, my discovery of the Santa Lie wasn’t traumatic or anything. I was older and at the age where I kind of knew it all was fake, but no adult straight out told me. Known to sneak around, I would scour my house to see if I could find the present stash. One year, I did…and that was it.
Using the Santa Lie to teach faith
Is it sad to strip the magic of Santa from your kid? In my opinion, no. That’s not what this season is about. It’s about hope and giving. About love and salvation. None of those things should involve lying.
Santa isn’t real. Why do we feel forced to follow along in this? Why is there so much pressure to conform to this elaborate tradition of lying? Sure, it teaches kids to believe in things they can’t see, and that’s important. But this creepy old man that sneaks into your house while you sleep ISN’T REAL. We are teaching them to believe in something they can’t see, but we know full damn well that Santa doesn’t exist.
Those people of faith, like me, believe in God. Believe in the higher, positive spirit that connects us all. Teaching our kids to believe God isn’t a blatant lie because we believe in all that too. Those people who are atheist don’t typically teach their kids about God. That’s their choice and, though I don’t believe in that, a part of me feels they are step ahead in the parenting game because they don’t lie to their kids intentionally, like I did with Santa.
I told the Santa Lie anyways
I was a weak noodle. I followed tradition. My oldest daughter Gianna, bless this girl’s heart, believed until she was 10. Her friends told her to her face he wasn’t real, but she continued to believe and told them they were wrong. I admired her commitment, but at the same time questioned her critical thinking skills. There were two reasons she refused to bend in her belief.
First, she’s always had such a good heart and soul. Unless we are talking about sharing with her sister. But, aside from that, she’s pretty kind. I don’t think Gianna could fathom all this being untrue or that so many people would make up this elaborate of a lie.
And, secondly, in her words: “I know you’re not Santa because you would never buy all this stuff for us.”
She literally said that to me. Ooohhhhhh shit. Part of me wanted to stick it to her right then and blow the Santa cover. So, I can’t be Santa because I’m a cheap ass, huh? But, I kept silent and secretly fumed over that comment that my child still believed in a fat man sneaking into our house dispensing presents vs me spending that much money on them.
The death of Santa
It was the Easter Bunny lie that actually caused the whole holiday magic castle to come crumbling down. Gianna questioned the Easter Bunny finally. I mean come on. That thing is just ridiculous and this girl was mid-puberty. My rating of her intelligence was lovingly low. When she flat out asked me, I told her the truth. Then, she cascaded down the parental web of lies to Santa and the Tooth Fairy.
All the fictional characters died that day…and she cried. My heart broke for her. I felt awful. It was like her childhood just died too, right in front of my eyes. Then, came the sweetest thing.
Gianna said, through a bunch of snot and tears:
So if Santa and all of the other stuff isn’t real, does that mean you do all of this for us? Mommy, thank you so much!
I cried as I wrote that sentence. Probably for two reasons.
- I’m pregnant right now…and my emotions are more sensitive than my back teeth usually are to ice cream.
- For all the stress and work that goes into making the Santa Lie seem true, her recognition of all my hard work to make the holiday magic was such validation. It was the missing appreciation from the past 10 years, finally given.
Despite the fact that Gianna knows I lied to her for 10 years, she still trusts me. Her sudden realization that I work so hard and give her so much made the lie, and the actions behind it all, a little easier to swallow.
It’s not over
But, BUT – I don’t just have Gianna. Scarlett, currently 8, is now getting to the age where she is really questioning Santa. She hasn’t full blown come out and asked me yet; rather, she skirts around the issue making statements like “I think you might be Santa.” I try to pry it out of her with follow-ups like “why do you think that?” But, she never directly asks like she’s not 100% ready to know.
Say it in the form of a question, honey. You’re almost there.
Her eventual discovery of the Santa Lie causes me to worry because this child is fiery and can say some pretty mean things if she’s angry. She hates lies…even though she constantly lies. Hates broken promises. I’m worried that this is going to go really bad for her.
I have a letter printed out that explains why the Santa Lie was created. He’s to promote the spirit of giving blah blah blah. All the nonsense we convince ourselves is true to make the whole farce more digestible. It’s printed, tied with a green silk ribbon, and ready for me to give her if she asks me to my face, “are you Santa?”
I’m dreading this. Dreading her reaction because I’m worried she won’t be appreciative like Gianna, but rather look at me differently knowing I kept up this elaborate lie for her entire life. How can she trust me??
Do I do the Santa Lie again?
Baby #3 is on the way. I have a long time to figure out what I want to do but in typical me fashion, I’m worrying about it now. Wrestling with my conscience and having debates with my inner voice, named Nancy. (You can read more about her here. I’m not crazy.)
Do I continue with the lie? Do I have a choice? Well of course I have a choice…but do I have the support?
Everyone wants the Santa Lie. Everyone wants to give kids the illusion. I just want to be honest. I want my kid to have faith and see possibilities in the world that are beyond what’s in front of their eyes, but I want that to be grounded in truths I hold in my heart. Not in something I know isn’t real.
So I sit and think. I agonizingly over-analyze. I ask my husband’s opinion and Gianna’s. They both say to follow tradition because that’s just what you do. That’s the easiest route for sure.
But the easiest route isn’t always right. Pocahontas taught me that. (Obvi I’m a Disney fan folks. Check my other posts and you’ll see.) She chose the river with the rapids, not the smooth stream. I need to decide my course again. The smooth streams were fine, but never felt right. I get the chance to consider another path, but is it the right one?
Awe follow the tradition ❤️❤️
Oh my God I’m such an idiot, I’ve written this 2 times so far and I hit the back arrow and it gets erased.? Anyway I vote keep the Santa tradition going. I loved Gianna’s reaction when you told her, she soooooooo sweet. The letter that you have for Scarlett is adorable, I love it, she will do fine!?You guys have done a great job letting the girls realize what Christmas is all about. Like your advent wreath, the birthday cake they make for Jesus on Christmas Day. Doing for others and just being thankful for all they have!!?There’s nothing… Read more »
Krissy!
I love you blog!! Your letter to Scarlett is amazing and so genuine. I think you should keep the Santa tradition because kids need to see the “Santa” feeling everyone has and that you have so lovingly instilled onto their hearts. Kids need tangible things to love and believe in. They cannot understand something they can’t see so Santa is their visual until they are old enough to to understand the concept of believing in something they can’t see.. It’s not a lie, it’s a concept and your letter justifies this. Kudos to you!!!❤️
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