my reasons why

If you are new to my blog or my social media pages, you might not know this yet, but I am completely unfiltered about my life. I like to share the good, bad, and ugly about myself. Of course, I do limit some things. Mainly to keep CYS or the police away…yet that hasn’t always worked out. And I don’t share EVERYTHING about my kids or husband because I do want to respect their privacy. Sometimes I share something, and they ask me to take it down. Scarlett has actually now requested pre-approval on anything I share about her. Because she’s 13 and complicated. The girl loves attention and hates it all at the same time. This age is the worst, I swear. Give me back the days she used to smear Nutella on my bathroom walls, and I thought it was shit. Life was simpler.

Anyways, my point in sharing what I do isn’t because I need attention. I actually don’t care for that at all.

What is triggering all of this right now are the comments I have been receiving on the video I shared recently of Scarlett using Vince’s credit card at Sephora to buy over $200 in makeup. I knew what his reaction would be, having known him for nearly 3 decades, and recorded her telling him the total. A lot of people were pissed, mostly at me, and did not get AT ALL why I would share that video. Why I would laugh? Why would I let my daughter disrespect her father like that? I must be a horrible, shit mother. I need to put my phone down and do a better job at raising my kids. I must not care about my family and only care about likes and views. I must be a materialist, gold digger.

After attracting all this hate and misconceptions about my life and intentions, I felt like I should explain myself. And while there’s no reason I need to explain myself, I actually like explaining myself. Because any time in my life that I do, it gives me focus and more clarity about me. So……

Why I started

I started Raising the Curtins to feed my love of writing and to share how ridiculous my life can be. If you have kids, you know how gross they are, funny, mean, creative, greedy, etc. They are so wonderful and so awful at the same time. But no one really said this online a few years back. Everyone was only sharing the good in their lives. Which, in turn, made everyone else feel bad about their shitty, real lives. My point of the blog and social media sharing was to give people a real look at life. To be relatable in a world where everyone else seemed to be pretending. I want you to be able to look at me and my family and think “hey, I’m not that bad off. Look how bad she’s fucking things up!” Or “hey, she’s just like us. Now I don’t have to feel so shitty when I see other women on social media, and they seem so much better than me.”

We shouldn’t compare our lives to others, especially based on social media, but we all do it to some degree.

Why I asked why

And then, my purpose morphed a bit as I began writing more. I started to share my inner thoughts and things I questioned about myself. Why do I do the things I do? What childhood trauma caused me to act the way I do now. Writing a blog is cheaper than going to the therapist after all. I would also share new ideas I learned or things to inspire others to maybe question themselves too. To be curious and learn something new.

My 5 why’s

After a couple years of sharing to show realness and sharing to inspire, I finally stumbled on the core reason I share so much here: to give my daughters a digital footprint of me.  And my husband too. If he outlasts me. Someday, when I’m not here, they will have this catalog of my life and some of theirs. I hope it will make them laugh, cry, and maybe feel like I am still here with them.

Of course, they probably don’t want to know some of this stuff, like the crap I wrote about Vince’s vasectomy for example. But whatever girls, just scroll past the TMI and weird stuff if it bothers you. But, know that the weird stuff is just another part of me. We are complex, imperfect people, and we’re all a little fucked up in our own way. That’s what makes this place interesting.

So, if you read anything I share and wonder “why the hell is this woman putting her life online to be picked apart and judged?” Or, “why is she sharing this? No one cares.” Those are all my reasons why. I don’t need attention. I don’t need your likes or comments. Would it be great to be able to have this support my family in some way? Um, yes. What person wouldn’t want to be paid to do something they enjoy. I love writing. I love making other people feel better. The empath and fixer-personality in me lives for that kind of shit.

I share all of this for myself, for you, and for my family. Not all at the same time. But certain things for certain reasons. If you don’t like what I do, that’s perfectly fine. I’m not for everyone. But seriously, like scroll along little donkey. Save your energy and go somewhere else. I don’t need your judgement or your validation that what I’m doing is right. But if you feel compelled to project your life onto mine and give me that negative flow, I can’t stop you.

Just know…I don’t give a fuck. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Unless I choose to let them. And I’m way too old and wise to fall for that shit anymore in my life. I know who I am.