Last week I took the older girls to get their skin checked at the dermatologist. Living in Florida, with the year-round exposure to that glorious sun, I thought that’s what you were supposed to do. A preventative measure to make sure skin cancer doesn’t pop up in the form of a curious mole that wasn’t there before.
This wasn’t their first visit. I think I’ve taken them 3 or 4 times before. But I haven’t been great about getting them checked every year. It’s been a couple…blame COVID, having a baby, and just general life. But a few weeks ago, I noticed a new, raised mole on Scarlett’s back so I thought it would be a good time to get their asses back to the derm.
My first step was to find a new doctor. We used to have a dermatologist that we liked but she moved to another practice too far away and that office didn’t even take our insurance anyways. I wanted to find a place that did…since I thought this type of visit would be covered (more on that later).
I spent an excessive amount of time googling and searching local moms’ Facebook pages for recommended doctors. Because that’s what I do. I over-research and rely on reviews even though I very rarely leave reviews. After some careful consideration, I chose my doc and booked a double appointment for the girls.
Is this legit?
We arrived at the doctor’s office. You know when you walk into a place, and you immediately feel like something is off? That’s how I felt. This place was bare bones. No frills. Not even a fake plant in the corner. No posters on the wall about smart skin care. Like they just popped up shop here temporarily and threw in the necessary office supplies. Maybe I was biased. Our prior derm also did plastic surgery in another wing of their building so when you walked into their office, you were slapped in the face with elegance. Tiled floors. High ceilings. Swanky furniture.
You were dropping money there…and it showed.
Not here. Oh no. This looked like a place you’d get Narcan.
Still, I checked the girls in and ignored the lack of pizazz. I didn’t need all the glamour. I’m not a superficial person. I just wanted to make sure my kids didn’t have skin cancer and were checked by a caring and qualified individual.
They make magic erasers for that
We were called back to the exam room and the lack of frills continued. The girl (nurse?) intaking us looked to be about 17 and I couldn’t help but notice that she had on the same black high-top Converse shoes that Scarlett also wore. And her’s were just as dirty. I feel like medical personnel should have clean shoes. Is that’s a stereotype? Am I being too prissy? I don’t think so. There should be standards. Clean uniform, clean shoes. Both when your serving food and handling humans.
Alas, I ignored the dirty, unprofessional shoes and the girls enveloped their bodies in paper dresses to prepare for their exam.
Then she was violated
The doctor arrives and she’s nice…enough. But I wasn’t satisfied with the appointment at all. For 3 main reasons.
First, she was insensitive. Scarlett went first and the woman literally started checking her body without explanation or acknowledgment to Scarlett. The woman just went in, raw dog, and started pulling at Scar’s paper dress to check out her chest. Scarlett does not like being seen naked. Not even by me. Which I totally get. I don’t like my shit hanging out either. But I’ve been beaten down by time, 3 kids, 2 mammograms, and a hefty number of visits to the gynecologist.
But this was the first time a doctor had ever just had their way with Scarlett. Without any warning or acknowledgement that this could be alarming to a developing 11-year-old girl, the doctor removed portions of her paper dress to check for moles. I could tell Scarlett was bothered. Her eyes immediately swiveled to me in fear. I told her it was ok, and I made sure to keep my eyes on her face and not her chest.
Just wait until this girl goes to the gyno. She is going to be mortified.
Again, is this place legit?
The second reason I was unhappy with this exam is that, while checking both girls, she didn’t use the little looking glass thing to assess any of their moles. She just eyeballed them all. Now, I’m not an expert but I’ve been to a dermatologist several times and I’m fairly certain that every time they had the little circle magnifying glass in hand to double confirm what their naked eye could not see.
Not this lady. But maybe it was because she felt like I was being a helicopter mom by brining my girls in to get checked in the first place. Why do I think that, you might ask? Because she passive aggressively told me so, that’s why.
The passive aggressiveness
This third reason for my dissatisfaction might be me over-reading the situation…. but I don’t think so. I’ve become somewhat of an expert in passive aggressive behavior having been with Vince for over 2 decades. I know the tone, the wording, and the timing methods akin to passive aggressive people like I know the moles on the back of MY own hand. I could write a book on interpreting and recognizing passive aggressiveness.
So, when the doctor asked me TWICE if anyone in the family had a history of skin cancer while examining my kids, I knew what she was not directly saying. She was saying “why TF are you here, woman? Why are you bringing your children to the dermatologist at these ages if there’s no history of skin cancer in the family? Why are you subjecting them to my weak, yet still very violating, exam if there’s no reason?!”
Listen asshole, because I thought I was supposed to, that’s why. I thought yearly checkups were THE THING to do when living in Florida. Just to be on the safe side. Especially since my kids don’t always apply sunscreen because they like the rosy glow that sunburn gives them. Yes….they’ve actually told me this after I freak out seeing their sunburn even though I told them to apply it.
But, if the double skin cancer questions weren’t enough, she also asked me, mid-exam, how I found their office. That question alone is not passive aggressive. Businesses always ask how you heard of them so they can track their referrals. But her tone, and the fact that she asked me while checking Gianna for moles, was what made it passive aggressive. Again, it was another dig to ask why I was here, but also again validated my thoughts that this place was a front for money laundering or something. Like, hey helicopter mom, how did you even find our secret fake dermatologist office?
Speaking of money
Exam finished; I was instructed by the “dermatologist” to basically not bring them back unless I wanted to. No “come back and have your yearly checkup” or “we recommend checks every X years unless you see a questionable mole.” Nope she was like the Beverly Hillbillies. Don’t come back now, ya hear?!
When the doctor left the room, the girls undressed and discarded their paper dresses into a 2-gallon trash can because this pop-up shop didn’t even have a hazard garbage receptacle to toss your paper dress in. I thought all doctor’s offices had those. But here was yet another clue that I was maybe on to something. That this place was a front to do something else….
Like raping me of money. Because despite the lack of frills and the fact that we have insurance, I dropped $200 on these appointments. Apparently yearly skin checks are not considered preventative by our insurance, so we got a “discount” but still had to pay out of pocket. It’s moments like these where I question the health care system and insurance providers. It’s moments like these when I wonder if I would have been better off staying poor because, as a kid, all my shit was free.
But I’m not poor. And that’s good for a lot of reasons. Just not when it comes to paying for doctors’ visits, food, or college. In those moments, it’s annoying. I can’t help it. I know the other side and I can’t help but be irked that I pay so much money for insurance, then pay more money, while others just walk around with a freebie card. That’s an asshole part of me, I know.
Lesson learned
I guess I learned a few lessons here. First, you can research all you want but sometimes reviews are biased and misleading. A better approach might be to ask people you actually trust for who they go to instead of random people on the internet.
Second, skin care checks are not covered by all insurances so check before you go get checked. Universal preventative skin care is sunscreen and limited exposure. So, from now on, my children will apply sunscreen (rosy glow be damned) and I’ll just keep my eyes out for weird moles.
Third, appearances can be deceiving…but sometimes they can also be clues. You can’t always judge a book by it’s cover but if a medical professional office has people in dirty shoes and there’s garbage on the waiting room floor, you can start to make connections. A+B+C=this place is shady AF and it’s not the type of establishment you want to find yourself naked in a paper dress.