Stuff. It’s everywhere. We buy or receive things constantly and then, before you know it, the house is filled and you need to buy extra space to store all the stuff that doesn’t fit. Things you just accumulate because you can. Knickknacks, word plaques, figurines, kid’s artwork, souvenirs from vacations, or mother-fucking stuffed animals.
And eventually your house looks like the junk yard lady’s from the movie Labyrinth.
I cannot stand stuff. If you know me well, you know I am not a keeper of “things”. I don’t get attached to people that easily…let alone inanimate objects. I have 1 box in my closet that holds memories from all the years of my life. The only reason I save the majority of what’s in that box is for my girls.
My entire house could literally burn down, and as long as my family and dog make it out, I wouldn’t give two shits. Everything else is covered by insurance and, in my mind, just a bunch a stuff.
Living with a Borderline Hoarder
What’s hard is that, although I could be happy with an accidental brush fire overtaking my home, Vince is a keeper of things. It’s hard to be married to a borderline hoarder that doesn’t always walk the line. Where I toss, he hoards, even if the object is decrepit and a potential health hazard.
For instance, he is still upset that I threw away a Christmas car from when he was a kid that was severely corroded by battery acid. It also didn’t help that the thing was creepy (it had a Santa that sat in it with glowing green eyes). This happened YEARS ago. Yet it comes up in conversation at least once or twice a year. In my defense, I honestly didn’t think it would have bothered him when I did it.
(He’s bitching about it now as he reads this I bet. That’s my Christmas car! Wahhhh!) ***update, after reading this, Vince’s mom was actually able to track down the car on eBay and she sent it to him. The new one is just as creepy…but at least it won’t burn your skin.
I have to deal with his shit gathering in piles everywhere and not lose my mind. It’s a challenge. I will tell you though, nothing gets me more excited then when I see him purging and throwing stuff away. It’s better than Christmas morning! If someone asked me “what does your husband do that gets you in the mood?” I’d have to say when I catch him throwing away some of the junk he’s accumulated. Like I’m Danny Tanner or something.
What is wrong with me?!
In case you think I am exaggerating, let me give you a little list of the things Vince currently hoards/collects, or has in the past.
1- sport memorabilia, including cards
2- office supplies
3- books (one’s he’s read and one’s he hasn’t)
4- magazines
5 – bar ware (shot glasses, cocktail glasses, bottle openers….and he doesn’t really drink)
6- empty DVD cases
7- tools
8 – CD’s
9 – ear plugs
10 – shoes (some are still in boxes, worn maybe once)
He has boxes and boxes of sports cards. I will say that the joy he gets out of looking at them is really sweet. Super douchey…but sweet. He claims that it’s not hoarding. It’s an “investment” and that we will be happy someday when he dies because his stuff is worth a lot of money.
Great, dick face. So when you die, I have to go through all your crap and find a way to make money off it? Let me contact all the sports memorabilia collectors I know and get the best price.
Why not sell it now so we can both enjoy the money? It’s because you’re a hoarder and you can’t bear to part with Lebron James’ Rookie card or whatever other boy crap you have. You’re going to make me do all the work when you die.
I better make millions.
All in the Family
I know where Vince gets it from. Definitely his dad. And I say this with all kinds of love because that man is awesome….but that man is likely a TRUE hoarder. He saves all his kids’ stuff. EVERYTHING. Toys, artwork, report cards, you name it…their entire attic is filled with pieces of their childhood. His basement is overrun with Steelers’ memorabilia. Countless figurines, pins, pens, ornaments, beer koozies, golf balls, unopened jars of BBQ sauce. All of this adorns his man cave basement bar like Ariel’s Grotto of thingamabobs if she would have found a shipwreck of Steelers’ stuff.
How does this man dust??
I don’t mind his dad’s addiction to stuff because it’s not my house. And I have added to this collection of Steelers’ merch myself because I know he loves anything black and gold.
If you save or collect, that’s cool. I’m not judging you. It’s your house, you keep what you want in it. Every one of us is different. I just don’t want all that in my house. It’s not that I’m heartless or that I am not sentimental. I am extremely emotional. It’s just that I don’t get attached to things. They are replaceable after all. Like everything, this attitude likely stems from my childhood.
THERAPY TIME!
I can think of two specific instances about my childhood that cause me not to be attached to things. First, we didn’t have much. We were on welfare so there wasn’t a lot of excess. We were the family that would eyeball the community trash pile on garbage nights to see if there was anything worth saving. We got a couch that way. The only sign of hoarding in my house that I remember is that my mother’s entire dresser was covered in makeup. Like a shrine to cosmetics.
And two, when I left my house at 8, there wasn’t much I took with me. No big box of memories. No catalogs of pictures. No one saved things for me. I wrote out my own damn baby book for heaven’s sake.
So, I think I don’t get attached to objects because of all that. Things just end up in the trash. Or your life isn’t all that bad if you don’t have huge totes full of memories that document the early years of your life. You live. You make your own memories. It’s our experiences together that matter more.
For me, this attitude is kind of freeing. I don’t get that upset when things get lost, broken, or ruined.
Stuff happens, after all.
Omg you made me laugh cry you name it! I love your writing so much I look forward to each new blog post:) I am definitely my dads daughter with Steelers stuff and Vince’s stuff to funny! We for sure get it from our father! But if it’s a sweaper challenge of saving ha that’s mom Curtin lol Terri wins
Love u though great read like always
Omg Krissy, I still can’t see through my eyes from laughing and tearing up. That was perfect timing in your blogging to be here and capture the picture. I always say the same thing when it comes to him dusting, he couldn’t pay me enough to clean down there lol!!! I will admit though I’m a saver as well, mine is just behind drawers, cupboards and bins. Hell, I have crap that you were getting rid of lol!!!!! I wish I could be more like my Mom when it came to saving shit (stuff). When she passed, other than not… Read more »