Sleep deprivation is hands down the worst part of having a newborn. Close second might be breastfeeding. Sure, despite the 50 things I basically LOVE about breastfeeding, it does literally and figuratively suck. You are tied to the baby because of your boobs. You can’t really go anywhere, and I personally feel like a food source vs. a human during the first month or so.
Nursing compounds the sleep issue since ONLY YOU can provide food in the middle of the night. ONLY YOU can stop the cries. So, that means ONLY YOU gets up when the wee babe decides to have a cluster feeding session and chow down on your boobs.
(Yes, this is ultimately a choice. I could give her a bottle or formula in the middle of the night. But for me, I feel like that’s cheating or something.)
As semi-demoralizing and tough as nursing is, the lack of sleep has definitely been the number 1 most awful thing about having a fresh-from-the-oven nugget. It’s no wonder sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. The brain fog and sheer irritability that comes with only a few hours of interrupted sleep sucks balls. For everyone involved. I’ve been short-fused with all my family. I miss sleeping.
Third Time is Not the Charm
I have not had a child that has slept the way they are “supposed to”. None of my kids liked wide open spaces (singing the song in my head now). Gianna slept in her car seat for the longest time. This was before we knew that it is unsafe. Once out of the car seat, the child would only fall asleep if she was holding my finger. I have no idea how that started but I would stand over her crib for eons, waiting for her to “go the f*ck to sleep.”
Scarlett slept in the crook of my arms until she eventually transitioned to her crib. I tried swaddling her and using a bedside bassinet or swing. Nope, nothing. She needed to feel me and Evie is apparently the same. Swaddling is just a joke. I’ve tried wrapping her nice and tight like a burrito, and she’s cool with it…for about max 45 minutes. Then, she’s fussing and struggling to get out….which means it’s boob time.
During the day, we can maybe get her to relax outside on our patio. This girl loves the heat. It’s the only space where she totally uncurls out of her womb position. She just lavishes the humidity of the Florida summer. Outside, we can usually lay her down and she will sleep for a bit.
But, at night, I can’t leave this child outside – of course. That means, she’s been spending her nights in the crook of my arm as I lay on my left side and curl up next to her, breathing in her baby scent. She will lay there for 3-4 solid hours, snoozing away. But as soon as I try to place her in her bassinet, crib, or other baby device – she’s up.
Now, I know bed-sharing is supposed to be bad but, how do the experts expect a sleep-deprived mom to deny this option when all the “approved” ones seem to fail? How can I turn down 3-4 hours of sleep?
I don’t move in my sleep. My body stays in one position the entire time she’s there. I’m not a smoker. I don’t drink….right now. I seem to be OK in terms of the major risk factors of bed-sharing. I can’t fathom continuously trying to swaddle or place her over and over again in her crib when I’ve found something that works. By the way, read this article if you are on the fence about bed-sharing. The findings make me feel like my decision is more right than it is wrong/unsafe.
Plus, this way, I am immediately aware when she wakes up. As soon as she stirs or starts fussing, I’m right there. This is especially important for me because it seems like Evie has the tendency to get a bit of reflux and gurgle up her milk. She has done this countless times so far. Especially in her first few days when she was coughing up leftover amniotic fluid in her belly and turning blue. Yes, friggin’ blue. I was not ready for that shit. So, obviously I was super-duper paranoid about putting her in her crib from the get go. I didn’t and don’t want her to be that far away from us. I didn’t want to rely on a monitor to tell me if something was wrong.
I do feel guilty at the doctor’s appointments when they ask where she sleeps and I basically have to lie to their face. I don’t want to deal with the lecture about how dangerous it is. Just like when I go to the dentist, and they ask me how often I floss. I know the supposed right answers and the truth. I usually give them the right answers they want to hear because the truth would get me in trouble.
For now, Evie is sleeping in my arms, close to the boobs that she loves so much. I’m going to work a little bit each night to get her to transition to the bassinet that sits beside my bed. Well, maybe I will. Or maybe I will just let this ride. I do enjoy holding her in the crook of my arms and snuggling next to her face as she breathes and sleeps because I know this little part of her life is fleeting. I need to enjoy it while I can.
Just like I am now enjoying my 3 hours of straight sleep.
No sleep does suck, so does waking up every 1 1/2 to 3 hours and I don’t have a newborn. Like I said when I was there, you need to pump for some milk through the night. I be more than glad to give you a break every few hour when you’re here. I know it hard for you to do but you need to catch some zzzzzzzz’s during the day when she does. Everyone would be fine with that I’m sure. Next week isn’t coming soon enough!!!!!!?
Nothing can prepare you for the lack of sleep. But like you said, you need to enjoy it while you can. You need to post more pictures of Evie and the girls, miss you all. Can’t wait to see you all and hold the nugget.