Family came to visit this past weekend to celebrate Evie turning 4. Vince’s mom, aunt, and sister all flew down from Pittsburgh to stay with us. We didn’t really do anything substantial while they were here. Mainly because Scarlett wanted to go to school every day like a NERD even though it was her last week of school.
We also didn’t do anything because we are a family of 6, two under the age of 5. Plus 3 visitors and Gianna‘s boyfriend. That’s a load to take out of the house in vehicles. So, the fam hung around the house most days, taking walks, trying not to die from heat, planning meals, movie night outside, and enjoying our community pool. On their last night here, I thought it would be nice to play a game together. Evie would go to bed early since she didn’t nap and had played in the sun for hours at the pool. All of us older people could enjoy some time together.
After the younger animals were asleep, we joined around our kitchen table to play Scattegories. If you’ve never played, here’s the quick gist:
Players roll a 20-sided die to select a letter, then have a set time to list words starting with that letter for each category on a card. Players score points for unique answers not duplicated by others. Categories vary on each round and creative thinking is encouraged.
Example, in Round 1 some of the categories were “A Boy’s Name” and “Things You Plug In.” If we rolled the letter B, we’d have to come up with answers to those categories. Bobby and a Blow Dryer would be two answers. You want them to be unique because if someone writes down the same answer, you don’t get a point.
My immediate family has played this game before but no one else had. It was fun introducing them to it. The disappointment of having a duplicate answer, the reluctant compliment you give someone else when they listed a great answer while your line was blank because you couldn’t think of a damn thing. The sheer pleasure you have when you come up with a likely genius answer and no one else thought of it. Like, the category was “Things That Grow” and we all listed plants like Carnations and what not while Vince’s sister wrote “Cyst.” Damn girl. That was fire.
These are all common occurrences in the game of Scattegories. It’s likely supposed to be a good, old-fashioned, wholesome game to play with family members who can read and write. Well, not in my household. While most answers were innocent, we had a handful of times where the answers had me questioning my parenting skills thus far.
Let’s do a quick rundown, shall we?
Category: “Things in a Medicine Cabinet”
Letter: M
Most of us wrote medicine (so unique, right?)
Scarlett (12-year-old daughter): Meth
Welp, you got a point for that my dear because no one else thought of it.
Category: “Things in a College Dorm”
Letter: D
I wrote Doritos. While they are a little pricey for a college kid’s budget, I think it was valid. But obviously my college experience will not compare to my children’s because both Scarlett and Gianna wrote Dildoes. Both. WTF? My sister-in-law wrote Drugs so again, I am the lame one in the bunch over here stuffing my face with addictive chips while the rest of these ladies have a grand ole time.
Category: “Things You Shout”
Letter: T
I wrote Touchdown!
Scarlett: Tiny Titties. Child got double points for that answer too.
Category: “Things That Are Round”
Letter: M
Me: Mangoes
Scarlett: Mom (what an asshole)
Category: “Crimes”
Letter: J
I wrote Jailbreak. Gianna wrote Jacking Up a Car (we’ll accept that). Scarlett wrote Jurisdiction. When asked why she put that she said “I don’t even know what it is. I just remember the word from my Civics class, and it started with a J so I put it.” Florida education at its finest when your child thinks jurisdiction is a crime.
There were a couple super sweet answers. Like when the letter was K, and they wrote Kristina Curtin as their answer for Heroes. I mean, come on now. But I think the highlight of my night was not this sweet answer. The best moment came towards the end.
Everyone was getting tired, but we wanted to keep playing. Letter rolled was D. I set the timer, opened my folder to start reading the new list of categories and write down my answers. As I was writing down my first few, I hear a sputtering of giggles emerge from around the table, starting with my mother-in-law. Unsure of what was so funny, I continued until I got to:
“Things That Are Soft”
Then, I knew. My belly laugh started and as the rest of the table, letter D in their minds, got to “Things That Are Soft” everyone began to cackle. We all knew what D was soft. What D was the obvious answer. The timer was still going though. Had to press on. There were more categories and more Ds to throw around.
I wrote Donuts despite what my brain was telling me and continued.
However, as I was still laughing and trying to see the next few categories, I realized the obvious D answer for “Things That Are Soft” was THE PERFECT ANSWER for so many of these categories.
Things Kids Play With
Things in the White House
The entire table continued to giggle as we stumbled through the remaining categories. I tried to request a pause/restart so we could get all the laughing out and answer with a clear mind, but everyone kept pressing on, so I did too. But it was hard. HAHAHAHA, again, another D innuendo. It never stops.
In the end, me and my mother-in-law (the woman who first started cackling out loud) were the only two people to actually write the nickname for Richard as an answer for any of the categories – which was surprising given my children and their previous answers. Maybe they were trying to be unique and thought everyone was going to write another word for bologna pony on their answer sheet.
Guess you never know what game night is going to give you. Gut-laughing with my family about limp dicks is something I will remember for the rest of my life.