circles of safety

Until 9:14pm last night, I thought I was pretty cool under pressure. At 9:15pm, I realized I was wrong. Because at 9:15pm, I thought my 13-year-old daughter had been abducted from soccer practice.

Up until that point, I assumed I would do all the right things in this situation. I’d take the right actions. Make the right choices. But, as I watched her little circle on Life360 leave the soccer field, knowing that she was not in our car, but in someone else’s, I panicked.

The first decision I made wasn’t the most logical one. Because all I could think of at that moment was that my child was in someone’s else’s car, and I needed to get to her NOW.

I was at home though. In my pajamas, poised to put in my mouthguard and lay down with my 4-year-old Evie. I wasn’t getting to Scarlett quickly. My oldest daughter Gianna had been the one waiting at the field for Scarlett‘s practice to be over. She was the one Vince called to ask why Scarlett was moving in a car, according to her signal on Life360, while Gianna was not. Vince freaked. I slowly started to freak. Just hours before, Vince had been talking about how bad trafficking is around here. How a child was just taken nearby while their mom was right there. Abduction was fresh on our minds…and now this happened.

As Scarlett’s circle moved further and further away from the field, Gianna asked “do you want me to follow them?”

Here’s the decision. Here’s the wrong move. But I didn’t know this at the time. Me, panicking as I visualized the inside of the car. Scarlett’s fear. What could come next. I blurted “YES!”

That wasn’t enough though. We needed more. I needed an army of people to follow her signal. Call the coast guard. Everyone move in, now! I told Vince that he needed to go follow that car. Please someone get to her before it was too late. As he rushed out the door he screamed, “call 911!!!!”

My body felt not my own. I was in it. But cold. My nerve endings were dulled. I wasn’t shaking. I was just near numb. I dialed the three digits on my phone, put it on speaker, and pulled back up Life360 so I could follow where my daughter was being taken. I was calm enough on the phone. Giving the operator the information I had.

No description of the vehicle.
No description of the suspect.
She was just taken.
Left the fields and was now heading in the opposite direction of home.

I gave them her description. What she was wearing. My mind agonized for a second…would she still have her muddy cleats on, or had she taken them off? Was she shoeless? Her eyes. Her hair. I was ready to vomit. This wasn’t happening. I kept watching her circle on my little screen and I just wanted to reach in and pull her to me. To get her safe. What was happening?!

What seemed like hours later, but was only minutes, her circle made its way to a community about 25 minutes from our house. I relayed this to the 911 operator. The street-by-street play. Then suddenly, her circle stopped. Right in front of a house.

I had two thoughts:

1. “Oh god. This person took my Scar and now they are going to rape her and torture her in their basement. No, not basement. Florida doesn’t have basements. Spare room then. Torturing in a spare room.”
2. “This is strange. Why would they keep her so close? Shouldn’t they be headed towards the coast or the airport or something? A storage facility even?”

Her circle went inside the house. Please hurry. Please.

The operator confirmed help was on the way. Gianna was also closing in on the location. I saw this happen on my screen. Wait. Wait….what the hell was I thinking telling her to follow the car?! What the hell was she going to do?! Was I going to throw another kid into the sacrificial fire? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I was getting ready to text her, unable to hang up with 911 to call her directly, when I saw a message from Gianna come through my phone:

“she’s ok”

Time stopped then. I was confused. How did she know this? I texted her back and asked Gianna if she was sure.

Her reply: “someone took her bag she’s still at the field”

Relief immediately washed over me. The numbness that was there moments before went away. Like I had an on/off switch, and someone just went “flick” in the other direction. I’m back. Yes. This is right. This is reality. Not the last 15 minutes of my life where I thought my child had been taken. This. A misunderstanding.

And then, I felt embarrassed. Oh, dear god, the police are about to show up to someone’s house to find an abducted child and really all that happened was some girl took the wrong damn bag from the field. These poor people. I told the operator what happened. He made sure to confirm twice that I was sure my previously thought abducted child was in fact, fine.

I said yes and apologized a few more times than was probably necessary. I ended my call with 911. I watched on my phone as her circle stayed inside that house. But I zoomed out now and saw Vince’s circle, moving as fast as he could safely go, towards the soccer field where Scarlett waited. No circle to identify her. But I knew now that she was safe. She was there.

We were all shook up last night, Scarlett included. She had been left at the field. She had watched everyone leave and had no way to contact anyone. As the fields started to go dark, she had thought she might have to sleep there. Luckily, she found her coach and was able to make that call that confirmed her safety.

Gianna had to pull on the side of the road and calm herself. Tears, shaking, the relief that everything was ok. The stress of thinking you were tracking your sister and her abductor with GPS had caught up to her. I don’t know what I was thinking having her follow the car. I wasn’t thinking. I panicked. I made the wrong choice. Why didn’t we have her search the field FIRST? To confirm Scarlett was in fact, not there?! Perhaps it was because abduction was so fresh in my mind that my brain just said, “this is it! this is what’s happening now!” instead of going to the first logical thought – her phone is not her, despite how often she has it.

Evie was awake for the whole thing, despite being tired and under the influence of 5mg of melatonin. She refused to fall asleep and listened as I was on the phone with 911 and then the deputy. Even after we found out Scar was fine, she refused sleep – now fixated on the fact that Scarlett didn’t have her bag. How was she going to get her bag back? When would Scarlett get her bag??? Dear god, child. Go TF to sleep, please.

We all had a poor night sleep. Restless from the events of the night. But today we woke up. The sun just starting to peek from the corner of the sky. We hugged each other as we said our goodbyes for school, and I hugged them a little bit tighter than I normally do. Circling them in my arms. Safe.