Since the holiday of love is near, I decided it’s a good time to share my love story. I see a lot of blogs that have a section dedicated to how they met, fell in love, and eventually got married to their significant other. All the romance and the joy.
But, what I find missing in a lot of those stories is the realness. The grit underneath the fairy tale. Sure, there’s swooning and passion and overwhelming feelings of love, but not everyone has that perfect “meet, fall in love, get married to their best friend” love story, right? Without drama and buckets of tears and snot? Am I alone?
No, I don’t think so.
So for all you out there with a non-traditional love story, here’s mine. I hope you can laugh along with me and recognize that all love is different. Our paths are different. But universally, love drives us all to lengths and depths we’d never thought we go to. To cross lines we drew in the sand before we really knew what we would do or put up with, all for love. Love doesn’t listen to boundaries or stay behind lines. Love is beyond that.
My love story crossed all my lines that I drew in the sand. It made me do things I never thought I would, could, or should do. But, looking back, I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Because all of it led me to where I am now…and I think where I am is pretty amazing. Even though my husband’s a dick. But let’s get to it.
Sweet sixteen
I met Vince right after he turned 16. He started work as a bagger at our local grocery store where I already worked as a cashier. We went to different high schools, so before that day I never knew who he was. The day he started work was the first day I officially met him. But….life is funny. Even though we never met and had no reason to know each other, we had seen each other before. When he walked into the store his first day, he definitely recognized me.
When he saw me first
Prior to his first day of work, Vince had gone to my high school’s chorus concert with his girlfriend. Her best friend was also in chorus and they went to support her. I had a solo in the concert and when I came on, my soprano voice must have been on point that night singing “chestnuts roasting on an open fire,” because he apparently was immediately hooked.
He leaned over to his girlfriend and said, “I’m going to get with her.”
Wow. Total dick move, right? Yep, that’s my husband. He has always loved to rile people up. I will caveat this with the fact that I quoted those words he said, but honestly I don’t know if that’s what he said verbatim. The sentiment though, was that he liked me from the minute he saw me and he proceeded to tell his girlfriend that.
I love to point this out, only because the feeling of instant attraction was not mutual. I’ll take my small wins in life, and one win for me was that I made this boy work to get my attention and affection.
{me patting my 16 year old self on the back}
But first…let me tell you about the first time I saw him.
When I saw him first
It was my school’s end of the year picnic at a local amusement park. I distinctly remember seeing this guy and his girlfriend standing by a ride. They had matching outfits, light blue and white. I think he had on an NC Tar Heels jersey. It’s not odd to see couples match outfits for that day. People did that all the time so I’m honestly not sure why they stood out to me. But they did. I remember seeing them so clearly in my mind. Like my heart knew something I didn’t. Maybe it was a warning. But I remember them distinctly in my mind. However, when I first officially met Vince, I didn’t connect the dots immediately. I didn’t realize that the guy I saw that day was the same guy that was about to shake up my world.
We meet
Back to the grocery store. He walks in like he owns the place. Very confident. Very funny. Very loud. I’m a cashier and he somehow gets assigned to be my bagger a few times and he becomes very intent on making me smile and laugh. I didn’t recognize him as the boy from the amusement park. I didn’t put that together until way after.
But he recognized me and seemed to love any chance he got to work next to me. At first, I thought he was just super flirty (which he was) so I messed with him a lot. When “My Heart Will Go On” from the Titanic played on the store radio, I would joke with him and say “aw, Vince. Listen. It’s our song.” I hate that damn song…it’s so freaking sappy. And, Rose, God dammit, there was room on that door for Jack! But it’s actually our song now, because of that joke I made.
Like all men, he liked the pursuit
As I said, Vince knew he liked me from the start but I wasn’t sold. Sure, he was funny but he wasn’t the type of guy I typically liked. He was over the top. Too flirty. Physically, he was too small in my eyes. I had a weird body image back then and when I looked at him, he seemed so much smaller than me. I didn’t like that. I didn’t want to feel massive compared to the boy I was with. I wanted to feel like they could protect me. For the love of God, he could fit in MY cheerleader uniform.
So, it took a lot for him to get me seriously interested.
That boy was persistent. He made me cards. Rings out of dollar bills and sandwich ties. He found ways to be on break with me at the same time so we could eat together. He was so sweet and incredibly funny. I couldn’t help but fall for him. He didn’t give me a choice. He made me feel special and seen. He made me feel like the greatest thing on this earth and I never really had someone make me feel that loved before.
The catch
I didn’t realize it during the time he was pursuing me….but he had a girlfriend. Yes, yes I know I saw him that summer with the girl…but at the time I didn’t put two and two together. Plus he NEVER mentioned her. We went to different schools after all. As it turns out, his girlfriend actually went to my high school (remember chorus concert before?) Lucky me. Eventually it came out and the amount of drama that ensued was high school hormonal crazy. The drama was next level.
Of course, since I was young, this was the end of the world and despite being an overall asshole, he was a mess too. He really wanted to be with me but he had been dating this other girl for like 3 years. Folks, that’s like forever when you’re 16 and it was hard for him to say goodbye to the history. This went back and forth for awhile. Me crying, him crying, her crying.
Young love is grand.
Eventually, what seemed like ages later, this whole love triangle mess resolved itself. I can’t recall what happened exactly so I won’t bore you with fake news. Vince and I were together and that was that. We were inseparable like all couples are in the beginning. Peas in a pod. Nothing’s gonna stop us now.
Once a cheater
Fast forward a few years. At this time, we are living together. I have my first real job after college, and we just got a puppy. We don’t see each other as often as we used to because our schedules clash (Vince is going to school and working nights at a restaurant). I felt the distance growing, but I wasn’t really bothered by it. I got distracted by work and the needs of our puppy. Admittedly now, let my relationship with Vince become one of the less important parts of my life. Not that I am making excuses for what happened next…but I want to be sure that I place blame where blame should be. I wasn’t a rock star GF at this time. I wasn’t making him a priority at all.
You can see where this is going. One night, while Vince is at work, get on his email account and my world instantly shatters. He’s been cheating on me with a girl I knew. The feelings I felt that night after reading the emails and seeing the photos, to this day still make me a little sick. I felt betrayed. I felt stupid. I was so angry and disgusted. How could he?
I drew my line in the sand. That night, I was done. I had always told myself that I could not be with someone that cheated on me. How could I trust them? How could I live with the mental images of him being with someone else. This was a line that shouldn’t have been crossed, ever. I took my figurative stick, drew my thick bold line, and said I was done. I grabbed my stuff and my dog, and left.
Trying to make a break
Since Vince was at work when I found out, I texted him something really snarky and said that I found out about him and his side piece, and I was out the door.
He panicked, I think. While part of him was probably relieved that I knew, I think he was also petrified that we were becoming history. Vince tends to say things that he doesn’t mean out of fear or anger. It’s his standard reaction. He said to me that if I left that night, I might as well never come back because that would mean we were done forever.
WTF? Looking back I think, who the hell does this boy think he is giving me that ultimatum? I’m the one who was cheated on. I should be saying that shit. Man, he had balls. Big balls that had to be the size of my face.
But back then….for some reason it made me pause. OK, people. I am in no way condoning his behavior, but you have to look at this from my angle for a minute. He was my world. We had been together for at least 6 years at that point and had seen our share of hurdles during that time. His family became the family I never really had. To lose him was like losing half my life.
When he said those words, I choked. After the heartbreak of getting cheated on…the thought of all of that being gone was paralyzing.
I turned around….and went back to our house.
Things didn’t get better
After finding out that Vince was cheating, I didn’t leave like I thought I would. Remember that bold line I drew in the sand? It blurred. I stayed. He stayed….she stayed.
Somehow the situation became so twisted that no one could let go. I had the history keeping me, and the feeling that I wasn’t meant to leave. She….she had the new love feelings and the fact that I doubt she fully knew our situation, or maybe didn’t want to really know. Vince is great at saying things to make you stay (see point above). However, I think she had to have severe doubts and just chose sometimes to ignore them.
Along comes another girl
This messy love triangle continues for way longer than it should. Maybe a year? Fucking crazy right? Who puts up with this shit for that long. You wouldn’t do that right? Well, I wouldn’t do it either. That’s another line I wouldn’t have crossed. Yet, there I was. Living in it day after day.
In that time, I went off the pill for a bit to switch prescriptions. I blamed my birth control for messing with my hormones royally. Looking back I want to slap myself and say, “hey dip-shit, maybe it’s the fact that you’re living with your ex-ish boyfriend and he kinda cheats on you with another girl that he also loves. But he loves you too and no one can make a decision so you’ve been living in this fuck up mess for a year. Maybe that’s why you are a fucking wreck?!?!”
But no, I blamed the pills.
Me and Vince got into a fight about something (surprise!)…and then ended up having hate sex or make up sex or something. I’m not sure what it really was. What I do know is that one time having unprotected sex off the pill was all it took. The one damn time we didn’t use real protection and relied on the half-assed pull-out method.
That one damn time gave me my daughter, Gianna.
I wrote a whole post about this. I won’t go into any more detail here. But G came into my life at the seemingly worst time. What type of life was I going to give her in this messed up relationship I had at the moment? What kind of family could I create?
Then, she was born. My questions became statements. After having her, I realized she was my family. I could create anything around her. She would have all the love I never had from my parents. I would raise her to be strong and funny. I would give her all of me because she gave my life so much light in a time when I felt surrounded by darkness.
And we made her together. Vince and I. She was us, in one little human. The miracle of it. Gianna changed Vince too. She gave him light. Gave him a reason to look at life differently.
You would think this was the end of the love triangle, right? Ohhhhhh no. It still surprises me that he was able to keep his other girl during all of this. You would think after hearing that your boyfriend’s e- girlfriend that he still lives with, just had a baby with him….well you would draw the line and be done, right?
But, we all do stupid things for love. I really can’t judge that given my own situation at the time.
It all got old
Gianna grows from a baby to a toddler. We buy another house together. Yet, the triangle remains. CRAZY. But then, it ends. She leaves. It’s a culmination of events, nothing so specific to be worth noting. But it’s over. It’s just me, Vince, and Gianna. Granted, it wasn’t all rainbows for us after that point. Not at all. But we had Gianna and we needed to be there for her, so we were.
Time passed. Our love didn’t go away. Eventually Vince realized that he wasn’t doing any better than me. LOL, just kidding. I mean, I don’t think he could find another human on this earth that would put up with his shit, but that’s not what made us finally get married.
Somehow, life just fell into place.
Don’t just do it
Vince’s first proposal to me was the weakest ass proposal I could have imagined. It was NYE. He was drinking and so was I. We are surrounded by some friends and we are talking about our relationship or something and how we were still miraculously together.
His leg is propped up on a chair, like Captain Morgan, and he looks at me.
“Fuck it, Kris. Let’s just do it.”
Yes, that was his first proposal. Try not to let your heart melt on that one. Remember that guy that proposed to his lady by reanimating Sleeping Beauty? Totally epic.
Yeah….my guy said “fuck it, Kris. Let’s just do it.”
Needless to say, I laughed in his face and said no. After all the shit I went through, I was going to need more effort than that.
A couple years pass, and Vince finally gets the proposal right. We are getting ready to take our first Disney cruise together, sans Gianna. There’s rose petals and red wine. Leaps and bounds from the “fuck it, let’s just do it” line. I was not expecting it at all. His entire family was really concerned I wasn’t going to say yes. After all we’d been through, I would have been 100% validated to decline.
But, if you haven’t realized it yet, this boy was my heart. Why? I don’t fucking know. I can’t explain it using any words that make sense because it’s just love. I couldn’t not say yes. So the ring was put on, we set a date, and in the middle, Scarlett was born. Our second daughter who brought us fire and laughter, and made a perfect little flower girl alongside her sister at our wedding months later.
Love in the now
That, my friends, is the mess that is our love story. This journey was not perfect and my path could have been a dead end. I am not justifying staying with someone that cheats. I am not condoning a woman putting up with the things I did. I definitely want my daughters to expect more out of their love story. To demand more. To quote the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You,” our story is the exception, not the rule.
This is how me and Vince got here. This messed up arrangements of line crossing that led us to the now.
Vince is my person. I don’t know why. We are opposite in so many ways. Ways that should really matter. But we work. For some reason, our souls are supposed to be linked, and so they are. We aren’t the lovey-dovey couple or the one’s who say we’re so lucky because we married our best friends. Honestly, that’s great if you have that. But it’s makes me want to gag.
He’s an asshole. But, he’s had my heart since the day he started bagging my groceries and asking me in a sweet voice “KB, keep smiling.”
Since the day we officially met 20 some odd years ago, this boy has not stopped making me smile. Sure, he’s made me cry enough to fill all the retention ponds in Florida. But no matter how damn angry I am at him, he can always make me laugh. He’s made me grow as a person more than anyone else. He challenges me. He’s made me into a strong woman who has a focus on life. He’s made me a better me.
And I think he loves me too. He rubs my back without asking and for some reason always wants me to be near, even though I drive him bat shit crazy because I can be a selfish asshole most of the time.
It boils down to this. When Vince hugs me, he makes me feel like the world is sitting outside his arms, and he won’t let it in if I don’t want it there. And that’s all I need.
To Vince: Did you really read this far?! Holy shit. This is probably the longest story you have ever read in your whole life! But, there were pictures and it was about you, so that had to help. JK, you know I love to make fun of you. Happy Valentine’s Day, hun. I know we both think this day is stupid as hell, but I’m saying it anyways. Hope you aren’t severely pissed that I wrote all of this. I know you hate people knowing your business, but I also know that you are my biggest supporter and secretly love the fact that I am writing all of this down. Here’s to 20 more Valentine’s Days together. Go ahead and dry heave at that thought. Love you. Forever and always.
Your Krissy B. SHMILY.
Awwwwwww this is soooooo sweet Krissy, yes I definitely was one of those “I hope she say yes kind of people!!!” I was so happy but I wouldn’t of held it against you if you didn’t say yes. You are like another daughter to us and we would have been sad. Plus I was tired of calling you my Grandbaby Momma lol!!! Plus I love the realness, I think alot of those mushy mushy stories that we see aren’t the whole story!!!❤
There is Just so much more to the Two of you and love you both so very Much?
I absolutely Love this post one of my favorites ever! No one is perfect! So glad your in our crazy ass family FFFT!!!!!! Sorry for what I put you through too but now your my older sister I never had love you much! Also Vince is a asshole I can’t definitely agree but he does have a heart ❤️ I never knew. Your one strong ass women for the stuff you went through, but you two are perfect together! No one relationship is perfect ?? if anyone says different it’s a lie lol … Great read like always Love ya… Read more »
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