As kids, we all at one point develop some dream of what we want to do when we grow up – whether it be a fire fighter, doctor, veterinarian, ballerina, singer, or photographer. Whatever it is, our minds don’t see limits. We can do anything. But then, at some point, the world pushes us to be more practical.
“How will you make a living?”
“You’ll have to be really good to make it in that profession.”
“That’s going to be a really expensive college bill.”
The world pushes its limits on us and, despite our passion and insistence that we can be whatever we want, a lot of us get crushed into the mediocre and settling for the practical job and not the one we had a passion for.
My Dream
I wanted to be a writer. As a child, books became somewhat of an outlet for me. I didn’t have the best home life – with parents that really weren’t equipped to handle my crazy a spirit like mine. My father was an abusive alcoholic and my mother suffered from Bipolar Disorder. Together, they didn’t make the strongest parental pair. As an adult, I fully understand this. As a child, I did not.
Books gave me escape. They gave me exciting worlds and characters that I could pretend to live in instead of the world I was given. Books fed my mind and lit a spark of desire to create through words. To explain my feelings when verbal communication was just failing. To tell stories.
I also have to give credit to Pizza Hut’s Book It program. My love of free stuff, coupled with my love of food, made this combination wickedly powerful. I read so many books to fill out my Book It buttons so I could get countless free personal pan pizzas. All it took was 5 books. I could do that in a few days.
Though the program fueled my imagination, it also fueled my obesity. But that’s another story.
Crushed
Middle school sucked balls for me like it does for pretty much everyone. But, in middle school, and even in elementary school, I received ample encouragement from my teachers. They loved my writing and said I should pursue my dream. But 9th grade changed everything.
Looking back, I can’t recall the exact words that my teacher said after I turned in a creative writing essay. But, the message still swirls around in my brain:
"You need to figure out something else that you want to do with your life because you won't be successful as a writer."
I remember being crushed. I remember being so confused. Like those singers on American Idol who thought for their entire lives that they had an amazing singing voice, only to be shut down in front of the judges and told that they really sound like a fork grazing across your dinner plate.
How could I have been steered so wrong? Why was I now just being told this wasn’t for me? Why was this the only teacher to ever tell me the truth?
I never thought to myself that the teacher was wrong. I don’t know why. I took that criticism and let it sit in my heart. I let those words crush a dream and eventually, I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do. I drifted. Thought loosely about other careers. Took quizzes. Nothing really felt right or fulfilling.
Not to say I didn’t still write. I had to for school and I enjoyed it. I got A’s. But I never thought those grades meant validation that I had any potential. I even self-published a children’s book a few years ago, but still didn’t feel like I was qualified.
Looking back, I get slightly angry that I let the teacher tell me what I could and could not do. I’m disappointed that I didn’t have parents to cheer me on and support my passion. I get angry at myself for being so weak.
This pains me to say it but…
I need to thank my husband, Vince. This is hard to do because he’s a dick and loves it when he’s right. So I really cringe inside to give him credit. He has tried through the years to get me up at 5AM and to read self-development books about the power of positive thinking and all that bullshit. I always refused.
First off, I was a night owl, not a morning person. I thought I needed to stay up late to get anything done and unwind after the kids finally went to bed. When, in reality, all I did in those late hours was binge watch TV shows and drink wine by myself. Second, I thought the only people that read self-development books were people that either needed seriously help or were just freaking weird.
But, eventually, I bent. I started getting up early. IT SUCKED. But, good Lord, there is a lot of time in the day. The hours of 5AM-7AM before the kids get up for school are so quiet. It’s like you are the only one in the world awake. It’s motivating after you get past the sheer hell of dragging yourself out of bed before even the birds start singing.
Back to Books
But, what really changed me were the books I started to read. Again, thanks to Vince. Those stupid self development books that I always used to make fun of…actually aren’t that stupid.
Books like 168 Hours. Reading this made me realize that I fell victim to the excuse that “I don’t have time for everything” when in reality, I do. I just was finding excuses and not making the right things a priority. I was cleaning my house on the weekends instead of using that time for my kids. Now, I finally hired a cleaning person. My time is worth it. I was letting technology babysit while I exercised instead of getting up early to get it done before they woke up. Society is constantly telling moms that we are frazzled and overworked…but why is that? It’s because we aren’t spending our time right. Trust me, read the book. Sure, it’s tedious at times, but the overall point was strong.
You have 168 hours every week. What are you doing with them?
Books like Think and Grow Rich and Outwitting the Devil, both by Napoleon Hill. That guy was INSANE. These books alone were two hard kicks to my ass. They made me want to think positive, think specific, and most importantly, these two books led me to create this blog.
I realized, I let the negative thoughts in the world dampen my spirit, that passion I had as a child to write. I let negativity win. I let myself become complacent. If you want something, you need to really want it. And, I wanted to write.
So…I said fuck it. I decided to start a blog.
This blog is my creation, start to finish…which you can probably tell by the design because I have limited skills in that area. I tried. The logo is weak and the layout needs work, but it’s the shell for the meat right now. The meat is the words and my main love is writing, not web design. I love to type as my mind thinks and to see stories unfold. To share my inner thoughts. To unload and unpack the things from my life.
5 Things I Learned
- Your dreams are yours. The only way they can be crushed is if you let them. People have their opinions but, if you want something, don’t let anyone’s negativity stop you.
- You have time in your day for anything that is important to you. Don’t make excuses. Make it happen.
- Just because you are a night owl, doesn’t mean you have to stay a night owl. Getting up at 5AM isn’t killing me. It’s actually giving me time to write and to get things done before the world gets up with all its distractions. I don’t need to unwind until 12:30AM because I spent my day using the time I had to do what I wanted (see #2).
- My kids are dreaming now. They are coming up with plans for their lives of things they want to do. And sure, their dreams sound far-fetched and unachievable. But, my job as their parent isn’t to crush their spirits and tell them their limits. It’s my job to fuel their dreams. Give them hope that whatever their mind can envision for them can happen. They just have to want it enough.
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I am not the best writer in the world, but I love doing it. I’m making zero money so far, so I guess my teacher was right in that I would not be considered successful in that way. But, I am filling a hole that was made years ago. I am giving myself therapy. I am sharing funny stories and crazy things about me and my family. I am creating a legacy for my kids that they can read and be embarrassed over for the rest of their lives. So, in all those ways, I consider myself a success.
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Bravo!
Great read ?❤️
Not sure if it was the “Vince is right” that got me or if it’s you proving those books work. This is one of my favorite reads. Great job KB. And ??all the negative people!
I’m soooooo glad you’re following your dream Krissy. Also, it makes me happy to see that Vince has helped push you to pursue it!!? Keep up the awesome work, I Love reading them, another great read!!!!!❤
I love reading your blogs because you tell it the way it really is and you don’t try to make it what people want to hear. I think the name of the blog is perfect. My favorite is some of the shit that comes out of scarletts mouth. She is so you. Keep writing. You inspired me to read those books in this article.
Thank you for this messegue. ??
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