I forgot how much being pregnant sucks. It does. Sure, there’s the close bond you begin to form with the human growing inside of you. There’s the coolness factor of seeing them roll around in your belly like the scene from Aliens. There’s a lot of good things.
But here I am, 32 weeks in, and I’m fucking done. I want my body back. I want to be able to see all my parts without tucking my belly in and stretching my neck out like a damn giraffe. I want to be able to bend down without grunting like an 80-year-old man. I want to drink some alcohol without getting judged. I want to eat what I want to eat and not worry about another human when I do.
Which brings me to diabetes, and the fact that I failed my glucose test.
The Sugar Test
For all you penises out there (and women who have never been pregnant), here are the details. During your last couple months of pregnancy, they test your sugar levels to make sure you don’t have gestational diabetes. It’s a type of diabetes that can happen to preggo women.
To test you, they make you drink a bottle of syrup like your Will Ferrell in the movie Elf. Then they draw your blood and test it to make sure your body is processing sugar the way it should.
Well apparently, my body wasn’t processing it right. I failed the test. I don’t fail tests. My type A personality was pissed AF. And worried too, of course. I don’t want to be harming my little belly nugget. I have years to scar her once she is actually born. I want to at least treat her right while she’s inside me.
If you fail, you have to go back, drink another bottle of syrup, and they draw your blood 4 different times, testing the sugar levels at each interval. This time, I only failed 1 of those 4 blood draws. Which, according to my doc, is still not great. You have to fail 2 of the 4 blood draws for them to consider you failing and having the diabeetus.
So, on this test, I probably got a C. I don’t get C’s either. C’s are average. C’s mean you didn’t even try. So, here’s me, still pissed. I need an A folks and I won’t get a retest. This will haunt me for a while.
My OB Needs to Make Up Her Damn Mind
What chafes my balls even more is that, a couple months ago, this same doc told me that I wasn’t eating ENOUGH CARBS/SUGAR. During one of my monthly preggo pee tests, they found too many ketones in my urine. This is not good when your pregnant, but it’s common for people on Keto. I was on Keto before I got pregnant. It’s basically the diet where you DON’T EAT CARBS OR REFINED SUGAR. I didn’t eat bread. I didn’t eat yogurt or ice cream. I was very limited on my carbs/sugar.
I got lazy with the diet when I got pregnant, but apparently not lazy enough since the level of ketones in my piss was cause for concern. So, based on the doc’s advice, I started EATING CARBS AND SUGAR. I didn’t eat shit food, but I started eating yogurt and granola, trail mix, sweet potatoes, and apples with peanut butter. I love all that stuff but it’s not really Keto-friendly.
That’s not shitty food right? I wasn’t doubling down on pizza or spaghetti. I still ate a lot of greens. I thought I was good.
Yet, here I am now, being told I need to WATCH MY CARB/SUGAR INTAKE since I got a C on my glucose test. Make up your fucking mind OBGYN! Either I eat carbs or I don’t. Either I have ketones in my piss, or I get diabetes, apparently.
My body likes to go big or go home. No in between.
I’m due in June. I’ve got a lot of weeks left that I can fill with food confusion, quarantine, home school, nursery prep, and life as it generally is. This is going to be fucking fun.
And now I just want ice cream.
You probably just messed with your body when you starting feeding it carbs/ sugar. I’m not saying the bad sugar/carbs that I eat is what would medd you up. But I do believe those natural sugars in fruits and carbs in stuff like oatmeal and healthy foods are OK in a limited amounts. This way your body doesn’t get all wacked out when you do eat them. By the way, your ta tas look huge in your spa picture lol, you can’t even see your belly!!!?
[…] Failed my 1 hour glucose screening but I barely eat carbs or sugar. […]