About 1.5 hours away from our house, there’s a beach known as the “Shark’s Tooth Capital of the World.” If it says it, it must be true. We had a quick visit there a while ago and weren’t prepared with any tools to seriously hunt for teeth. It was, however, made up of memorable moments. Sunset. Girls playing on the rocks as the waves crashed around them. Vince finding his first shark’s tooth and smiling like a kid on Christmas Day. Magic.
We wanted to recreate that experience and go for a second time.
Thing is, the second time around is never the same… never. Just like when you have one child and think, “Hey, this is great. Let’s have another.” Bwahahahaha so stupid.
Here’s a recap of our second try at shark tooth hunting at Venice Beach in Florida for your reading pleasure. It includes a homeless guy showing off his goods, ice nuggets, drinking anxiety, setting fires, PDA, and plaques.
Homeless Guy’s Got the Goods
On our walk up to the beach, we pass this homeless-looking guy near the changing facilities. Well, he might not have been homeless….it’s just really hard to tell with people at the beach. They all look half out of their minds and beaten down by the weather.
“Questionable Homeless Guy” had shark teeth lined up on a concrete bench in front of him. I can’t tell if he has them there to 1) show off how amazing he is at finding teeth, 2) to dry them out so his (house?) doesn’t smell like fish, or 3) to sell them to passerby’s. I don’t like interacting with people, so I quickly look away to avoid eye contact. I am the worst. I should be a hermit.
However, before looking away, I couldn’t help but notice a few MASSIVE shark teeth in his array. Like one was seriously the size of Scarlett‘s head. This, of course, gets me all riled up about the treasures we are going to find.
And this time, we came prepared. Vince made a sifter out of PVC pipe, metal grating, and pool noodles. This thing had handles and was the size of a truck tire. Shit was going down in the ocean. We were ready to find some Megalodon teeth fo’sho.
We get situated on the beach. When we get a huge whiff of sea life, Vince makes his obligatory “what’s that smell? Oh, your mom has her legs open” comment to the girls. We are raising them to be classy, remember? I roll my eyes and call him an asshole…but then discretely do a quick “hand whiff to the nose” check.
He’s such a dick.
Into the ocean we go; anticipating the haul we will bring in this time with our Shaq-sized sifter. We dig up buckets of sand/water and pour it through our gargantuan tooth sifter. All the while, our asses get kicked continuously by waves. WTF, Gulf of Mexico?! You’re supposed to have calm waters.
At the end, we take stock of our teeth collection: 4.
Yes. 4 baby shark’s teeth. I was really expecting something more momentous after seeing the “Questionable Homeless Guy’s” collection. What can you do? Scarlett, of course, finds 200 tiny sea shells that she wants to take home and use to play with her Littlest Pet Shop dolls. She says she will make table arrangements, plates, and chairs out of them. YASSSS! I’m a sucker for tiny shit and imagination!!! So I don’t toss these in the water when she’s not looking – like I usually do with any junk shells she wants to bring home.
Ice, Makeshift Beds, and PDA
We leave the beach and head to the hotel. It’s called Inn at the Beach and we found the place on HotelTonight. It was pretty inexpensive and right on the beach. Honestly, the options in Venice are pretty limited anyways. It seems to be a very residential area. I IMMEDIATELY had a good feeling about the place because they have the good ice. Oooooo, good ice. You know, the little ice nuggets? Nothing’s better than good ice.
We get to the room and open the door….1 King-sized bed.
Uh oh. Someone’s going to be uncomfy tonight.There’s 4 of us, remember?
When Vince sleeps, he sprawls out on the bed and hugs 2 pillows between his legs like he’s 6 months pregnant. I know all of us aren’t going to fit. I decide to makeshift Scarlett a bed of her own out of two chairs. Better than sleeping on the floor or on top of me in the bed.
After figuring out the bed situation, we decide to head back to the beach to see the sun go down. Immediately upon getting there, we all notice this couple hard-core making out on the beach. PDA is really gross and it’s not just because I’m a prude. Even the girls, after watching numerous episodes of Bachelor in Paradise, were appalled. So that’s saying something about the scene playing out on the beach. I mean, they weren’t humping or anything….but how long can you seriously make out with someone? Ew.
PDA aside, we did have a good time watching the sun go down. Girls attempted handstands and had me take pics. It’s really comical to watch because neither of them were really good at handstands. You can thank years of gymnastic classes for the amazing skills they have in this area.
Drink Order Anxiety
We leave the beach and go to dinner. I googled places nearby and settled on Sharkey’s because it was on the beach and I thought the kids would like it. It was dark when we got there so honestly the fact that we were on the beach didn’t really matter.
Sit down at the table and Vince asks me if I am ordering a drink. My mind immediately goes in many directions as I play out my options:
Is he ordering a drink? Is he testing me because he thinks I drink too much? Do I drink too much? Are the girls judging me? We are on vacation kinda….it’s OK to order one right? Am I teaching them bad habits? Should I just get a water? It’s too damn expensive to order alcohol anyways. Such a waste of money……
After this inner dialogue, I say I’ll only order a drink if he does. That’s the classy and smart choice, right? Social drinking is healthy. Drinking alone means you have a problem. Well, Vince orders a soda.
Mother-fucker.
That counts as a drink right? There’s so much sugar in that and sugar is more addicting than heroin. And, it’s almost as expensive as alcohol. YES! I am justified.
“I’ll take a Sauvignon Blanc, please.” I needed to cool down after watching the porn on the beach anyways.
After we are done eating (food was ok and overpriced like all beach food is) we take a walk on the dock. It’s dark and the moon is reflecting off the water. It’s wonderful and that wasn’t just the wine talking.
Sleeping in Hell in a Snow Suit
We get back to the room. It’s a little warm but oh well. Go to bed. Throughout the night, I keep hearing Vince get up and mess with the air conditioner. It WAS hot as balls in the room and not just because I sleep in a snow suit. I’m always cold. The AC, however, wasn’t really working and he kept hitting the buttons, making beeping noises, over and over and over again.
What the fuck are you doing?
Some time later, he gets up again and hits more buttons. Then the smoke alarm goes off and we smell something burning. Oh shit. My adrenaline shoots through the roof. The alarm stops beeping but there’s still the smell. Are we going to burn down? Definitely not the way I want to go.
Eventually the smell dissipates and the alarm stops going off. Vince lays down and I try to MacGyver the damn AC. I eventually get it to cool off somewhat (because I am a mother-fucking magician) and we all try to get a few hours of sleep.
In the AM, we head down for complimentary breakfast (YES!) and I talk to the manager. He was the greatest and gave us another free night on them to make up for the AC fiasco. I’m in heaven….free food, free night stay, and awesome ice nuggets. I love you!!
Dads Love Plaques
Almost time to go home. Right across the street were some plaques and Vince is that stereotypical old man dad who says “Ooooo, look. Plaques.” We must go read. We mosey on across the street and I let Scarlett read the plaques, which is equal parts cute and fucking annoying at the same time.
Spit it out, junior! The word is Okeechobee.
My Takeaways
Our second time at shark tooth hunting definitely didn’t turn out the way I envisioned. We didn’t find massive shark’s teeth that I could show off to the homeless guy. We didn’t have picturesque moments in the water. We didn’t even have a good night’s sleep.
We had real moments where we had to roll with the punches waves and make the best of what life throws at us. That’s what you have to do. Plans aren’t going to go as planned. I mean, you don’t know when people are going to suck face in front of you or when the AC is going to catch on fire.
Lol ? don’t feel bad I like my drinks too.. I’m always the one having a drink o swear love you good read
I love all of your makeshift stuff (sand sifter, bed), great imaginations!!! At least you guys found some teeth, the extra happenings just added to your little family adventure, it’s the small things in life, right!!! Krissy, your writing cracks me up, I’m laughing out loud right now sitting in the dining area of the hotel. Yes, just me and my coffee, finally realizing that I didn’t read your latest update till now. Thanks for the laughs, keep on writing and continue to enjoy that drink when you want it, you deserve it, I Love You!!!!!❤