My 18-year-old daughter’s boyfriend slept over our house the other night. It’s not the first time. But any time he does, we utilize the spare room so that we can “keep them separated”. I can’t really say no because I slept over Vince‘s house when I was this age and in the same bed because there were no spare rooms, and thankfully his parents were alright enough with the arrangement.
But then, this fact gives me the ick because I know what I did back then.
Ok brain. Let’s shove those thoughts into the dark corner of our mind and not think about it. We don’t need to align what you did as a teen to what your daughter is likely doing. This is a lovely part of parenting that no one talks about. Repressing your teenage memories so you don’t visualize what your children are doing. Fun stuff.
When Evie realized G and Eli weren’t in the same bed, she of course asked me why. She asks me 1,349 questions a day, after all.
“Well because we want them to sleep separately,” I say.
Confused, Evie replies, “but I thought G woved him?”
“Wellllll, yes she does but they should still not sleep in the same bed,” I say, afraid of how long this trail of questions was going to go.
Of course, she has a follow up. This child does not let go of things. Her brain is constantly humming. Her curiosity is unparalleled. She could likely join the CIA someday with her incessant line of questioning.
Evie simply says “Why?” but that why sends my brain into a parenting spiral.
Where do I go here? What is the most age-appropriate response? How do I convey to my 4-year-old that we don’t want her 18-year-old sister sleeping in the same bed as her boyfriend even though I know that rule doesn’t make much of a difference. This is all optics, folks. Life finds a way no matter what rules you put into place, after all.
How do I tell her I don’t want them in the same bed because I don’t want to be a grandma yet? Or because I don’t necessarily think it’s appropriate to lay out a sex buffet for my daughter??
As I struggle with the best way to respond to this question, she gets distracted by a stuffed animal and begins to play.
I watch.
I wait.
She doesn’t ask me again.
She plays and the question is left hanging in the air.
I sit there for a few minutes and the conversation from her turns.
Evie, oblivious to the inner turmoil I just went through, opens her rarely closed mouth and says “mom, why do puppies have 4 legs, and we only have 2?”
Thank you, God. Thank you for this small blessing.
Maybe that’s the secret? Maybe if I just ignore the hard questions right now and distract her with something shiny, I can avoid talking about topics that I simply can’t come up with a suitable response to. Because if would have replied with “because that’s just the way it is” or some other canned, non-answer answer, she wouldn’t have fallen for it. Her line of questioning would have continued.
The simply ignoring and distracting worked though. I was saved from my inability to be transparent with her while keeping my response PG. Hallelujah!!!
I might be on to something here, folks.