lifesavers

Vince and I had a date last night to go see Deadpool & Wolverine. It started off as a normal evening out until about 45 minutes into the movie I get a call from Gianna‘s boyfriend. They were both at the house watching the baby and Evie for us.

Looking down at the phone, I thought it was weird that he was calling me. They were making themselves dinner though, so I thought maybe it was a cooking question. I got up from my seat and made my way to the exit so I could take the call.

G’s boyfriend started to tell me that Evie had choked on a Life Saver, turned blue, and had vomited on the floor while trying to get it out. Everything was ok now but they called 911 while Evie was still choking, and G was trying to get it out and now the responder was there and needed to talk to me since they were both under 18.

I tried interrupting him a couple times during his explanation because I thought he was joking with me. The boy likes to play around, after all. He doesn’t acknowledge that it’s a joke though.

Seconds later, another voice gets on the line. It still sounds a bit like Gianna’s BF so I still think for a few moments that he’s disguising his voice slightly for the joke to continue. Then, after a few sentences (the responder used a bigger word, I didn’t think G’s BF would use), I realized this wasn’t a prank.

Panic tried to rise up in my throat, but I immediately pushed it down. Stop it. Not necessary. They had already said everything was fine. I knew Evie was safe now. She was probably shook up, and most likely will never eat a Lifesaver mint again, but there wasn’t anything to worry about. As I listened to the emergency responder and gave him my consent to have Gianna sign for me, denying the need to have Evie taken to the hospital, my brain switches from Evie to Gianna.

My sweet girl. What is she feeling? How she must have felt, seeing her sister turn blue, trying to help her get the mint out of her throat. The fear. The panic. And what makes this all worse was that this wasn’t the first time a sister choked in front of her. Years earlier, Scarlett did the same thing on a toy. Gianna doesn’t really remember this event, but I do. That moment, some 12 years ago, was my fault. I wasn’t watching them like I should, and it gave Scar the time she needed to shove a toy in her mouth.

I hung up the phone after making sure they were ok now, but then I stood there in the lobby for a minute…unsure of what to do. Gianna told me not to leave. Everything was fine now. And there was still a lot of movie left. Granted, I wasn’t following some of it because I’m not a Marvel-nerd but Deadpool is funny so I kind of wanted to finish it out. But my kid just choked. Emergency services just left my house. Shouldn’t we go home? Aghhhhh.

We should stay, I told myself. What would going home now do? Gianna had it covered. Evie was fine. They didn’t want us to cut our night short for no reason.

I texted Vince to come here. When he walked into the hallway, I told him what happened. He handles situations like this a little differently than me. Where I internalize, process, and respond, he kind of blows up like an atom bomb. I know this, having been with him for eons. So, I watch him stalk around the movie theater as he tries to sort through his emotions. In these moments, I feel like Lumiere to his Beast. Calm down, sir.

He immediately wants to leave. I rationalize with him that we should stay and finish the movie. There’s nothing to do now. It was fine at home.

I think he needed to go run 50 miles or punch a pillow or something. So much inside. He loves his kids so much. This was a lot to handle when just moments before he was oogling over his man crush Ryan Reynolds.

We end up staying. Emotions level off for the both of us. I couldn’t wait to get home though. I needed to hug my girls. Evie first and then Gianna, for the longest. To let her be a child again. To hopefully make her feel safe. To let her to know how grateful I was to her.

For being a lifesaver….
Fucking Life Savers.