I wrote a post on Facebook to share my short story about my 12 year old daughter Gianna having her butt touched by a boy at school. I shared the link to the full story that’s here on the blog and wrote a couple paragraphs on FB to introduce it.
Here’s the Facebook post:
After sharing this post on a few FB pages, the backlash began. It escalated to personal attacks on my character and my husband Vince. It resulted in the county sheriff’s site being tagged and the police showing up on my doorstep to check on the welfare of my children.
This blog is my outlet. I am sharing the negative reactions I’ve encountered over the past few days, along with my own feelings and thoughts about it all. When you receive this level of feedback…I personally need to process it all so my brain knows where to put it.
This is my story about the butt post you see above.
Where I shared it
Aside with Raising the Curtins’ Facebook page, I shared this on 3 other pages, all centered around moms in my local area. Thinking nothing of it, I posted and then went and did some work. After 15 minutes or so, I realized I was getting a lot of comments…and I thought to myself cool, people are reading it.
I go to check out FB and see that the first comment was extremely negative, and so were the next few that I could see without scrolling. My face immediately gets hot. I went to comment, and explain myself…but soon realized that my post had been removed from the page by an admin. So no dice. But before removal, someone must of screenshot my post and shared it elsewhere. The post I shared on 3 specific locations starts to get circulated to Lord knows where else. It’s the beauty of the internet I suppose.
Was I asking for it?
Now, let me say this. I posted all of this. I wrote the words. I set myself and my family up for judgment. I get that. BUT, there’s a line folks. A line where you can wholeheartedly disagree with someone and the way they might have said things. You can comment on that and say you don’t agree.
But then, you cross over that line when you start attacking character, calling names, finding posts on personal pages and raging there about how horrible of a person I am. How I am unfit to be a parent. Finding my husband’s personal page and calling him perverted because his hand is near my daughter’s butt on my profile picture. Tagging the county sheriff’s office and calling me a disgusting human. Reporting me to CYS.
I normally don’t like drawing lines…but there was one in this case, and I think it was crossed.
What I should’ve known…or done
First, maybe I should have phrased my FB words better. Maybe I should have considered that if you didn’t go on to read the full story, you might make assumptions. Maybe I should have explained the picture I used in the post better so that it wouldn’t be taken out of context. Maybe I should have realized there are people on this earth who haven’t seen Dumb & Dumber to know that the tractor beam comment is from that movie. Yes, it’s a classic, right?! But apparently people didn’t realize that when I said “it’s like a tractor beam. Sucks you right in,” I was quoting that movie.
Instead, they thought I was attracted to my daughter’s ass. No one told me this during their hate fest. No one called out that comment specifically. This fun fact was something Vince and I learned after the police left my house on Saturday. Throughout the questioning, it came up. They didn’t realize that my comment was a movie quote either and were relieved to find that out. I never stopped to think that there are humans that haven’t seen this classic film. I must say…I’m slightly offended by this. 🙂
The butt comment
Let me go on record that I’m not sorry for saying my daughter has a nice butt. I don’t see anything wrong with me acknowledging that she has a nice behind. I’m not checking her out for Christ’s sake. And I don’t get sucked in like a tractor beam (see Dumb and Dumber section above). THAT WAS A JOKE. I don’t think anything sexual when I see it or when I make that comment. It’s like me saying she has long hair. That could be sexual. But it’s not.
People were offended that I would acknowledge my daughter’s body. Why? She is proud of it. She should be. I am happy she is happy in her skin because I personally never felt the same way. I am proud she is confident in what God gave her. She has a great butt….and beautiful hair. Her eyes are stunning. She has legs I would kill for. But this is me saying all of this as a mother admiring how absolutely gorgeous I think my daughter is. There’s nothing perverted about it.
I’m not sorry for saying any of that.
People were offended by my words…and my profile pic
That butt comment really did set people off. I honestly don’t know for sure if it’s the fact that I joked that she has a nice bottom or because they didn’t recognize the quote from Jim Carrey’s classic film. All I know is that they found it disgusting. Enough so to start sending me messages and calling me horrible and unfit to be a parent. I have the screen shots of those, and had planned on posting them here….but I don’t want to give that hate any more fuel. So, no detailed pics, aside from the compilation in the main image above.
These people, however, really did go above and beyond the call of voicing their opinions. They called the police. They looked at my profile pic and saw Vince with his hand near Gianna’s butt and screen-shotted it. They messaged Vince and called him perverted because had commented previously that he liked how Gianna had her hand on his belly in the pic.
Let me clear that up. I never thought I would have to defend a family photo…but here I am.
Vince likes that G has her hand resting there because it makes him feel loved. Like in that picture, his little girl is saying “this is my Dad.” His hand is near her butt because where the hell else is he supposed to put it? He’s not grabbing it. It’s above her butt and more on her hip. He didn’t analyze where he placed his hand because he doesn’t think about his daughter’s body that way. He’s not a pervert. Well, OK he is. But in the normal “he’s a guy and he’s gross” way. Never never never in that way with his children. I can’t even.
Why not ask first? In a neutral, mature way? Why not see that, and if you find it questionable, ask me without seeping all your hate and judgement first? Why not ask me if I meant any of what I wrote in the way you read it? Why not just say, “OMG Kristina. That was a little much. Did you mean it that way?” And I could explain myself. Or how about you read the full story like I asked?
How about you read everything else I’ve shared about our lives…and then decide.
I’m not unfit
Because you know what. I may not have ever wanted kids. I may have come from a fucked up childhood and dealt with a shitty ass hand in life. But, I am saying this now and I don’t usually boast about myself.
I AM AN AMAZING MOTHER. I am raising girls with strong hearts, loving hearts, hearts that won’t judge or condemn others just because they are different from them. I am raising decent human beings with compassion and a kick ass sense of humor. They can laugh at ball jokes. They don’t have sticks up their asses like a lot of people in this world and they don’t immediately see the ugly. They aren’t sheltered snowflakes. I am proud of them and I am proud of this little family I have.
My husband is equally an amazing father…but not as great as me, lol. Sure, most of the time I feel like I have a 37 year old man child. He leaves his shit everywhere and drives me nuts. He yells when he should take a moment to reflect first. But, he’s a protector of his girls. He loves them with all his heart, but not in some sick-ass way people are assuming. He’s an amazing father and my girls are lucky to have him.
What life they must have
Despite all this, I’m not angry. I feel honestly sad for those that voiced immediate hate and judgement. Maybe some of the folks who were offended by his hand placement, his comments, or my jokes about Gianna’s butt have had issues with their dads or other people in their life. Maybe they have a backstory that is causing them to see our family in a certain way. That sucks. I’m really sorry that they’ve had that kind of life. But we don’t. Sure, we are messed up. We might raise our kids differently or communicate with them more openly than others. But we don’t cross any line that God would be offended by. And that’s the benchmark I’m using for my life.
Let’s end with positivity
I’ve talked a lot about the negativity, but in reality, the bulk of the feedback I’ve received has been positive. There are people that get my humor. People that must have seen Dumb and Dumber. People that have said they also tend to make funny comments before getting serious. People that aren’t offended by what I’ve said because they understand I’m coming from a kind place. People that would have also given that boy the benefit of the doubt and not pressed charges. People that appreciate me opening up my life and the way I am raising my kids because it helps them somehow be better parents.
I am so so grateful for these rays of light right now because I don’t feel alone. For all the people out there that get me and have shared your love, thank you. I know the world is full of ignorance. Those quick to judge. I am appreciative even more now for the circle of people around me that lead with love and positivity. I may make crude jokes or inappropriate comments, but my heart is pure. I’m glad there are those of you that see that.
Great read Krissy!! You are so real and I tell Terri all the time what great parents you & Vince are. Keep doing what you’re doing cause your girls are and will grow up to be strong, honest and great women. They will make a difference in this world of so much hatred. Love you all!!!!
Just keep on being you Krissy, you and Vince keep on doing what you’re doing with the girls. They are real, not fake and they’ll grow up being true to themselves!!! Some people really do need to get the stick out of their ass and realize they aren’t perfect and need to quit judging so quickly!!! Love You All, another lesson that’ll make you stronger!!!?❤
The fact that you had to write this post is so absolutely ridiculous to me! It is so very obvious what amazing parents you and Vince are and you are correct, it is just sad that the people behind the negative comments are who they are. Unfortunately, none of us are going to change that but we can support your parenting style and realize that you are raising daughters that are and will continue to be amazing, real and children to be proud of. Keep doing what you are doing, you and Vince are rocking it.
Sorry you had to go thru all that, it’s a shame that people are petty. Keep doing what you do all is well, and the family is doing great.
It is beyond my comprehension that you even had to defend any of this. I’m so truly sorry that this all happened to you guys. I can’t imagine how it has shaken you all. Keep it up, Curtin’s. Your lives are relatable and often just fun to read up about! Thank you for being so honest in sharing your lives. I hope this bump in the internet-road doesn’t flatten any tires.
goodbye my looooooooove! (dumb and dumber quote. cue airbags. best movie ever)
Krissy I am sorry this all happen to you. You just never know how people will react towards anything you say. That’s mostly goes for ALL of us. I feel bad this happen to you. Sending my love support and prayers. Vince and you are awesome. Your great parents to G and Scarlett. Who knows why people do what they do. Maybe they are jealous. This is there way of acting out towards you. Sad if it is. All I know is your my cousin and I love you. I support you and Vince and your girls. So glad you… Read more »
Wow, just wow. I’m sorry you all had to endure the harsh judgement of so many people. The one thing I DO KNOW is that Vince is a great dad and loves his girls. Keep on doing what you do you best and we’ll keep reading xoxoxoxoxoxo
I just saw something about the original post on someone’s FB and that’s what led me to your blog today. I think the main issue was the “ass” part and that you thought anywhere was ok for a boy to touch her butt. She said no. It escalated quickly from there as to what I can see from others and read in your words. The internet can be a cruel place. FYI, The person’s page I saw this on had a baby at 18 by a man twice her age that had known her as a teen. And he is… Read more »
[…] told her this, in a MUCH BETTER WAY OF COURSE. Been down this road before, readers. Don’t call CYS on me. I didn’t talk about dangly penises. I told her that thinking girls are pretty doesn’t […]