My middle child, Scarlett, changes her identity as often as she changes her underwear – which is a lot. I don’t mean she completely upheaves her personality, but more so in how she expresses her identity through the clothing she wears or the look of her room. She is constantly cycling through her “look”, purchasing new clothes and room decor that fits her style, only to change her mind a few months later; tossing it all. Buy. Toss. Buy.
Repeat for eternity until I am poor.
Self-expression is important, but this girl drains my sanity and my wallet with how often she changes her mind on what clothes she likes, how she wants her room to be decorated, and even what activities she wants to do.
You should just be naked
Scarlett has done full closet purges at least 8 times in her life and she’s 10. That’s a FULL CLOSET PURGE where she empties her hangers and decides she likes none of her clothing.
“This shirt’s itchy.”
“These pants feel weird on the waist.”
“This shirt doesn’t fit my vibe now.”
“I don’t like that seam right there.”
“I don’t like the way the sleeves are puffy, or this has a tiny ruffle right here.”
WTF?
How can you just decide that your entire closet doesn’t work for you anymore? I still have clothes from high school and I’m 38. This tendency to plow through clothing is one of the many reasons I now send her to a school with uniforms.
Can you even spell aesthetic?
Then, there’s her room. Scarlett puts so much energy towards her room decor that it exhausts me. Online shopping carts and Pinterest boards filled with ideas that change weekly. This is more effort than I think anyone under the age of 18 should be spending on their room design. I don’t even think I’ve ever had a theme for my bedroom. Ever. I have a bed and furniture.
My theme is “furnished”.
For Scar, first it was her obsession with Paris. She had wanted a Paris-themed room for over a year (which is basically FOREVER in a kid’s mind). Finally, we got her decor and had a custom Eiffel Tower mural painted on her wall for her.
Guess what? Scar got tired of the Paris theme once her room was finally completed. Much to my heartache over the mural. I might be going to hell for painting over it.
After Paris, Scarlett moved on to a music themed room. Overall, Scar was slightly obsessed with music. Taking uke classes, recording her own single that she wrote (find it on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, and more), getting a keyboard for Christmas, and having a music themed birthday party at a local recording studio for kids.
She vibed out to the music theme room design for oh, let’s say another 5 months. And then she was done with it. Now, with us moving, she’s already built two different dioramas for her new room. The theme for this room has already changed at least 3 times that I’m aware of and we aren’t even in the space yet.
God damn Pinterest. God damn You Tube. I partially blame the internet for making her ideas as sticky as a 4-day old name tag. She is constantly bombarded with newer and better ideas. It’s hard to be happy with what you have when you are constantly shown other options.
The day the music died
This flippy-floppiness (might not be a real word) doesn’t just stop at clothes and room design. Despite loving her instructor, she ended up quitting uke lessons after 3 years. It bothers Vince and I because she was good at it. She didn’t fear going up on stage, picked up songs easily, and seemed to really enjoy it.
I’ve never been good at something, enjoyed it, and then quit. I don’t understand how she just shuts off the switch and can walk away from something she was so passionate about before.
I know. Most parents wouldn’t let their kids quit. You stand strong and make them see it through because they have talent and you know they will regret quitting someday, right? But here’s the thing. We talk to the girls about spending your life doing things that bring you joy, because you only have one life to live. You shouldn’t spend your precious time wasting it on things that don’t make you happy.
Uke didn’t bring her joy anymore and she wanted to stop. She didn’t like the practices and the only reason she didn’t want to quit was because she loves her instructor. I didn’t want to basically pay him to hang out with her. That felt wrong…like prostitution, lol.
Since she’s quit, she hasn’t seemed to miss it at all. She hasn’t touched her piano or her uke. She’s moved on.
How can I argue with that? It’s such a hard position to be in as a parent. I wanted to push her and see her succeed but I don’t want to burn her out or make her stressed. She’s the only one who knows what truly makes her happy, not me. Plus, it’s not like Scarlett doesn’t have other activities to keep her busy. She still has soccer, and I don’t know if I would ever let her quit that. Physical activity is a must and she’s been playing since she was 2.
Suck it up, buttercup.
Change is going to cost you
I get it. Making permanent decisions can be hard. Change can be good and refreshing. Exposing yourself to new ideas and evolving isn’t a bad thing. I must keep telling myself that. She should be free to express her changing self however she wants. Whether it be through her clothes, her room, or the activities she spends her time on.
But that doesn’t mean I always have to foot the bill.
Scarlett has started paying for her closet purges and room design switch ups. She needs to back up her decisions with her own money. It’s not going to totally rein in her behavior, but I am hopeful it helps. I say this after she just dropped almost $200 on a new wardrobe from Shein.com.
Maybe, just maybe, she will have these clothes long enough to OUTGROW them. Now I just sit here crying over the mural and the lost music career.