In the days leading up to the first day of school, Scarlett had made plans to go tanning to get the perfect back to school glow. She monitored the UV levels each day and planned out when it was “worth it” to lay out. Because….according to her, tanning is hard work.
Yes. You heard that right. She thinks tanning is hard work. [in my best grandma voice] “Kids today know nothing about hard work. In my day….blah blah blah.”
You literally just lay there. I am concerned that my child thinks tanning is hard work. I mean, she does chores. She cleans, does the trash, and various other things around the house. And she’s an athlete. She’s ran suicides and done the stepper at the gym. I could see how like Paris Hilton pre-The Simple Life might have thought tanning is hard. But my child is not a nepo baby. She has actually done hard work. Manual work. Work that has made her sweat from exertion and not in response to just laying there like gas station food under a heat warmer.
In comparison, how TF does she think TANNING is hard?
According to her, there are many factors that go into tanning. Like ensuring your suit is placed perfectly for a crisp tan line. Because, in case you didn’t know, kids want tan lines now. Back in the day [again cuing my best imitation grandma voice] we used to hate tan lines. God forbid you needed to wear a strapless dress in a wedding.
I would think worrying about not getting lines would be more “work” but what do I know anymore.
Shifting sides is also “hard”. You gotta remember to flip, folks. Turning your body over must be more difficult than I thought. OK, well honestly for me this can be hard. I’m over 40 though and out of shape. My lower back hates me and my lack of physical exercise since I had Marina. I really need to allocate some time to working out. But, for a 13 year old, peeling your body off a lounge chair and laying face down should not take that much effort.
Maybe I am a shitty parent. Maybe I am raising spoiled brats. Or….maybe Scarlett is just something else and I can’t take credit for anything she does. Maybe she’s the nature side for the nature vs nurture argument.
Or maybe she just says things to shock and awe. To make me laugh. That honestly might be it. Because I have a feeling her mischievous brain would know that I’d respond to that comment with disbelief and that it would sit with me for days. I think she knew what she was doing. Despite acting horrified when I post things about her, I know she also secretly loves it. If time goes by and I don’t have a Scarlett post, she makes comments like “why haven’t you written about me lately?”
Here you go, you crazy ass child. You triggered your mom. Tanning. Hard work. Hmff!