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It’s no secret that my toddler is not a good sleeper. I envy those people who have children that sleep 12 hours straight all the time and who take 2 hour naps. Well, I envy them but I’m also not willing to let her cry it out. I want it all without paying the price.
Anyways, we’ve struggled on the sleep train for years now. Recently, it’s been Evie’s go-to to wake up anywhere between 1130pm and 4am to call me into her bed with her. She does this by screeching my name from the doorway of her room since I have a gate there to keep her in. I go in and lay with her, waking up if I can between 430am-530am so I can come downstairs and work before she gets up for real. This doesn’t always work out because she has also been waking up and staying up at 530am.
Children are put here to test your ability to remain sane. I firmly believe this.
The other morning around 6am, I am sitting at my desk working when Vince comes in to find me. I’m alone, the light is dim, I have a half a cup of coffee in me already. No baby in sight. I am relaxed. He looks concerned.
Vince: The baby’s still sleeping?
(in my head I scream)𝐷𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑑𝑠 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗼𝗹!
Me: Yes.
Vince pauses for a moment and continues to look at me with that concerned face.
Vince: Why is there bleach in the sink?
I had used bleach that morning to clean a chili stain from Scarlett’s shirt that had refused to budge after 3 washes, Dawn dish soap, and two other various stain removal tactics. When I was done, I placed the empty bottle of bleach in the kitchen sink to rinse before putting in the recycle.
Those two questions back-to-back about the baby and the bleach made me realize what he was really asking about.
I start to laugh.
Me: No, I did not poison our daughter to make her sleep.
He laughs – maybe slightly uncomfortably.
He was joking, of course. I do think he does worry sometimes that I get too stressed out, but I would never do that. Love my children and would die FOR them.
But we joke about these things because we are F’ed up like that. Dark humor is rampant in this household. Nothing is sacred.
Twenty minutes later, Evie awakens, bed-hair like she just got zapped from the electrical outlet she keeps trying to shove keys in. I think I heard Vince breathe a sigh of relief upon seeing her.
Too funny, I’ve dropped mine in the toilet before, luckily it was just pee water lol!!!!🤣