This past week has left me mentally drained, not just by Hurricane Milton itself, but by the storm of emotions that followed in its wake. Thoughts have been flying through my mind like the debris that swirled outside my house. It’s hard for me to write when I feel like this because every sentence that comes out is as schizophrenic as my brother. I have spent the past few days trying to tame my emotions. To not let myself overreact and control what I can control. My brain wants to have a freak out session so bad, but I’ve been spending my days smacking it back into place and telling myself how I want to feel and think.
It’s draining to have a fight with yourself. Especially draining when you have your outside world in just as much of a mess.
Hurricane Milton, the worst storm we’ve faced in our 8 years living in Florida, came and went. Surprisingly, though, I actually slept through most of it. It has been the aftermath of the hurricane; what happened when the skies turned back to blue, that caused me the most stress.
The day after the storm passed over us, we woke up to no power and a wet front room. Somehow, water intruded the house from underneath the floor and soaked the flooring – which started to bubble up because we idiotically have laminate floors in all the main rooms downstairs. So stupid. I want to punch myself for listening to the design person who told me laminate was a good upgrade choice. Anyways, this day was spent running a generator to try and preserve food, ripping up floorboards, and trying to put the house back in order. Everything was everywhere it shouldn’t be from our storm prep. This chaos made me want to lose my shit a bit. So much to do to get back to normal…
But then, before freak out occurs, I smack myself into place. This is manageable. You have time. Stop making things bigger than they are. You are lucky…
When Do You Say Enough is Enough?
While my house seemed like it was in total disarray, the world outside my wet front room was worse. We live about 25 miles from the coast and about an hour north of Sarasota where the eye of the storm hit. We didn’t get the worst of it. But seeing the destruction online, so close to where you live, is a flick to the heart. How numb those people must be. It’s been doubly worse for some along the coast, who were just rebuilding from Helene and the horrible storm surge from 2 weeks prior. Like, at what point do you just say, “screw it” and leave? This isn’t going to be the last storm. There will be more at some point. If you had total devastation, back-to-back, why rebuild and stay?
And I’ve thought the same for us. These storms are going to have lasting impacts on the economy here. Things were already pricey and putting a strain on our finances. What is this going to do to the price of insurance? The ability to get insurance? We have the water damage to our room, but I’m hesitant to even submit it to our homeowner’s. I’m not sure it’s even covered and it was hard enough getting insurance in the first place, with the claim from our dog years ago. I’m concerned trying to claim this damage would cause them to drop us…
And then, I smack myself back into place. Calm the fuck down, Krissy. You aren’t a fortune teller. Stop letting anxiety have control. Let’s deal with what we can right now and take one step forward.
Fear, Floods, & Fights
Temporarily, the aftermath of the storm has put my town in its COVID-era again. Empty grocery shelves. Shortages in gas as tankers are slow to arrive, causing panic buying and lines. Fights break out and police presence over the lack of fuel. I am thankful through this that we filled up before the storm, but then my mind starts to swirl again on worst case scenarios of people starting to siphon gas from other cars. It could happen. People are tired and scared.
As our fuel stations ran dry, our streets filled with cars and rising floodwaters. The rivers, swollen from the storm, began to spill over. My Facebook feed mirrored this chaos—flooded with posts about emergency evacuations, road closures, and police responses. The fear this all brings. It’s a lot.
And then, I smack myself back into place. I can’t control the gas or food shortages. I can’t control the water. I’m not Moses. The rivers are doing what they are supposed to. Gas will arrive. I need to stop focusing on the fear. Instead, I reached out to my friends and checked on them. Offering help. Trying to be useful instead of letting the anxious thoughts take control.
Finding Normalcy After the Storm
While it seems like this aftermath is all around us, it’s strange to see people living normally on social media. Scrolling through my feed, I will see posts about where to find gas, inquiring when the power will be back on, gun fights, emergency evacuations, and roof repair estimates. But then, I will see a friend post their daughter’s homecoming picture from the day. Another one shares a family pic from their boating trip. School picture days break up the feed of fear. It’s bizarre to see normalcy right now. How other parts of the world are unaffected by the storm that has consumed our days since prep began on October 4th. Bizarre, but refreshing at the same time.
My girls are adjusting fine as well. They are a little bored, of course and Scarlett is apparently a stress baker, having made 2 batches of cookies in the past 3 days. Evie actually had a soccer game on Saturday. It was the first thing on our schedule from the week that was not cancelled. The crowd was lighter, some folks couldn’t even get out of their homes yet because of the flooding, some don’t have power…but people were there. Being normal-ish. It was a strange experience. We all looked a little shocked. It was nice to have that escape though. Where everything was as it should be.
Got to Be OK in the Chaos
I’m trying to be ok in the chaos though. Because normalcy isn’t permanent. Shit happens. Figurative and literal storms come and mess things up. I have to be alright with being uncomfortable and uncertain because life gets really messy. It’s hard not to get lost in the swirl though. To get pulled in to storm of fear and let the thoughts of all the bad things take control and weaken you. But the trees that withstand the strongest storms stay upright because of their roots. So, I am going to be like those trees and dig in.
This chaos brings community too. We’ve all been affected by the storm, some worse than others. But neighbors are helping neighbors. Strangers are lending a hand. It’s easy to drown in the flood of fear, but I’m choosing to hold on to that—because this shared experience is bringing people together and making us stronger. So, despite the flooding of fear, I’m going to smack myself out of the worry, and choose to focus on that.
We got this. #floridastrong
