what if we were like peacocks?

I’m like most people (I think) in that my mind dapples all over the place during the day. One minute I’m thinking about what I’m going to make for dinner and then the next I’m debating on why fruit on the bottom yogurt exists.

Like seriously, why? Mix that shit up for me, Dannon. I have enough to do during the day that I don’t want to worry if I left a huge chunk of peaches at the bottom of my yogurt. Who doesn’t want an even distribution of fruit in their yogurt? Does this really need to be customized?! (Google search proved there’s a history here, though. Pretty interesting.)

Point is my mind wanders. The other day, as I was putting “my face” on in the bathroom, I looked over at Evie who was perched on the counter as she usually is, messing with my makeup bag, the soap bar, and basically anything else in her reach. Even though she was occupied with toiletries, I knew she was also watching me.

Kids are sponges, soaking up every single thing you do.

As I looked at her, I thought, “I am teaching her at a young age that this is what women do. We put on makeup.” Like a lot of women, I pretty much wear makeup every day of my life. I don’t cake it on, but it is still a part of my routine.  Most women, like me, do the same. We extend our eyelashes, rosy up our cheeks, smooth out our skin tone, and draw lines on our eyes. Why? Why is this a thing? Sure, I mean most of us do it because we look sick without makeup on. Or people mistake you for a 14-year-old boy if you don’t slap on some mascara and blush. Oh, no? Is that just me?!

Whatever.

Most women put on makeup because it’s just what we do. We do it because our mothers did it, other females do it, and society slams it down your throat from the day you are born. But really, it all started because women needed to impress men. Ewwwwww, right? Blush makes our cheeks look flushed which equals sex. Mascara to make eyelashes longer to give a youthful appearance. Lipstick to draw attention to the mouth because the lips are sensual and exude fertility. 

But why? Why do we have to do all the work to attract a man’s attention? There are so many other species where it’s up to the male to attract the attention of the female species. Like the peacock. Male peacocks are absolutely gorgeous. The females are dull and ugly AF. They don’t have to give 2 shits about their appearance because the males are going to prance in front of them and show off their unbelievable feathers. 

Why can’t we be like peacocks? Life would be so much simpler and quicker if I didn’t have to pluck my unibrow daily or even out my skin tone with cream-based foundation. I think my husband should be the one doing this crap. Keep me interested, fool!! (And Vince totally would – he doesn’t mind embracing his “feminine” side)

And that, my friends, was the string of thoughts that went through my head in the span of 3 minutes as I slapped on my makeup before Evie destroyed my vanity counter. I might not be normal…