why vacation isn’t always fun

We took a mini vacation recently to Delray Beach to visit some fam. It’s about a 4-hour drive from us so not too bad. Not too great either because Evie’s optimal time limit in the car is about 30 minutes. So, I spent the remaining 3 and a half hours stuffing her face with puffs, playing Hey Bear videos, and trying to help her stay calm.

We all survived.

It was a great weekend. We mini golfed, went to the beach, watched lightning storms, and talked about house designs. Sadly, I really didn’t take that many photos to share. I’d like to think it’s because I’m immersed in the moments and not worried about whipping my phone out a thousand times to capture every smile. However, truth is I just don’t think about it until afterwards and then I’m pissed at myself for not having any pics.

My brain likes to go on vacations whenever I do. Just like my colon does apparently.

Wait, what?

Yupppppppp. You probably didn’t think this was going to be a poop post. But here you are….about 3 paragraphs in and now realizing you are going to read about poo. Feel free to hit the back button now and escape this post. I’m warning you that it’s going to be about the fact that I don’t poop on vacation. 

If you abort now, I won’t be offended. I’m not the state of Texas.

THAT’S A JOKE! Totally not going to get political on you AND talk about poo at the same time.

Still here? Yay! You have to know by now, dear reader, that I am not a lady and that I have a really weak filter when it comes to things I won’t share about my life. If you’re reading, you’re my people and you get me. Thank you.

I got VC

This post is simply to share the fact that I did not poop the ENTIRE time we were gone. 4 days of being backed up. Turns out, I am a sufferer of Vacation Constipation. Prior to writing this post, I didn’t have a fun name to call this affliction. I just said “I don’t poop when we travel”.

When googling for ideas, I happened upon the term “Vacation Constipation” and was overjoyed! Such a fun name that rhymes. My fave!

Vacation Constipation is way more entertaining to say than “I don’t poop when travelling”. It’s like “Conjunction Junction” from Schoolhouse Rock, but instead of word functions, it’s my butt function. Ok, maybe that’s an immature joke but it makes me giggle, so I don’t really care.

This happens anytime we travel. I don’t know why. The article I read didn’t give me any new info besides the fun name. I don’t really eat anything different, and I drink the same amount of water. Without fail, after a few days, I start to feel extremely bloated. It’s so uncomfortable. Like my body just feels 2x bigger and icky.

Bright side? When visiting other people’s houses, I don’t have to worry about stanking up the place or needing to flush the damn toilet 4 times to get the traces gone. I also don’t have to worry about holding it if we are nowhere near a toilet. Holding in poop is definitely worse than not pooping. The cold sweats. The clenching. This happened to me recently on one of my walks with Evie and I literally thought I was going to die.

I know this is vulgar to talk about. But these are things I think about. So, I have to think other people think about these things too. And I promised I wouldn’t censor myself so here we are. Talking about poop, or lack thereof.

If you also suffer from V.C. just know you’re not alone. I feel your pain. Quite literally. If you have any tips on flushing out the pipes when on vacay, let me know.