I see all these posts about “how do I explain {insert touchy subject} to my kids”. It seems like a lot of parents out there agonize over how to tell their children about the hard truths in life. Like what’s going on in the world, how someone really died, or even about elements of their past.
I don’t get this. This fear of talking about adult topics, about your history, or about things that are taboo/sad/scary. For me, it’s simple really. I just tell them the truth. I am as honest and descriptive as I can be, based on their age and understanding of course.
Everyone parents differently and I’m 100% not judging. I’m not the type of person to think my way is the only way OR the best way. Let’s be real. I’m doing this mothering thing based on very little mothering knowledge. I just don’t see a need to hide truths or shelter my kids. Unless we are talking about Santa. Because I got guilted into that lie and I’m stuck with it. Otherwise, in my experience, knowing the truth is having power. Knowing means you are educated. Knowing helps you make smarter decisions and steer you away from the bad ones (hopefully).
I talked about this before in a prior blog post (telling my kids about sex early on….and them knowing all the real words for your body parts) and I stand by that decision.
I want my girls to come to me with their questions. I want them to know that I am a person they can trust. So, I practice what I preach. My girls know pretty much everything about my history. I’ve trusted them with the knowledge of my past so they know they can trust to share their lives with me. I mean, how can they fuck up more than I have?! Just kidding….Scarlett is damn creative.
Seriously though, I’ve told them about wrongs turns I’ve taken and the stupid things I’ve done. They know about my parents, my brother, and the abuse. They know about my body image issues, my eating disorder. They know about the relationship Vince and I have, and the road we took to get where we are today.
I don’t hide anything. I’m an open book, because I want them to feel like they can be an open book to me. I’m not FORCING them to talk to me, but I think that by being a transparent parent, that they feel like they can come to me with anything. Because I’m not perfect and I don’t expect them to be either.
My advice, even though no one is asking for it, is that you should trust your kids. If they ask a question, be as honest as you can be, based on their age. Be real, talk at their level. Give them as much truth as their age can handle.
Don’t hide the truths of the world from them because, as much as we would all love to, you can’t keep them in a bubble.