The way the dating world is today swirls through my head a lot. Not because I’m on the market, but because my 18- and 14-year-old daughters are in the thick of it. I see how they and their friends form relationships—and what those relationships look like thanks to technology—and it makes me nostalgic for the days before Pinterest, Snapchat, and the internet in general.
Now, breakups happen via text. They follow each other’s movements on Snapchat like mini-FBI agents. And their expectations for romance come from Pinterest boards and Instagram posts. To me, it all feels… off.
Of course, I have limited dating experience, but I can’t help but feel like dating is missing something because of all the technology we have at our fingertips.
Without location sharing, we didn’t know where the other person was. That might seem inconvenient, but it really means you can’t go batshit crazy when you see them at Chick-Fil-A without you. You couldn’t stalk their location and start spiraling over who they were with. You shouldn’t know where someone is 24/7—that’s borderline restraining-order energy. All that access causes more anxiety than it prevents.
I’ll be real: if teenage me could have tracked Vince, I absolutely would have. I would have LIVED for that level of intel. But I can confidently say it wouldn’t have been healthy—and we probably wouldn’t still be together.
The other day, I saw an ad for yet another reality dating show—I can’t remember which one because they’ve all blurred into one ongoing thirst trap with microphones. Back in the day, I was into The Bachelor. Now my older girls binge Love Island like it’s a bag of Doritos. But they’re all the same: drama, backstabbing, crying in bikinis, and the promise that someone’s actually going to find “true love.” It’s just a big stage where producers are the puppet masters. I checked out years ago because I hit my limit on the fakeness.
But then The Golden Bachelor came along, and I was hooked on the first season. The concept was different, and the cast wasn’t backstabbing. The women were actually bonding, supporting each other, and becoming friends. All of it was so refreshing and honest. I loved it, even though I am usually not a “find your tribe” type of girl.
What if reality dating TV shows stopped being the Playboy Mansion meets Mean Girls? What if we show how relationships used to form? I would love a reality dating show that was more wholesome than whore-ish. What if we give the younger generation a “fresh look” on what dating could be?
For example, I would love a “Pen Pal” based dating show. Premise is that you date a pool of people for a few months but with no contact or communication whatsoever unless it’s a handwritten note. No technology, no preplanned extravagant dates that a normal couple would never go on in their lifetime. No video chatting. I’m talking straight notes mailed through USPS. I just think there’s just something about writing your thoughts and feelings down that makes it more real. Writing forces you to articulate your feelings in a way that texting or talking just can’t. Seeing someone’s handwriting, their tear stains on the paper, their doodles in the margins… It would bring something back that’s missing. I still have a box of notes Vince wrote me when we were in high school. It’s super sweet to reread them now, decades later, and go back to our relationship when we were just kids.
Gah, when did I get so old? I literally just posted a video the other day about my inexplicable love of aprons, and now I’m writing about this. Just give me my damn AARP card now, I guess. I’m reaching the “I walked to school uphill both ways” age a lot quicker than I thought I would.