Scholastic Book Fairs.
I have a love/hate relationship with these things. I wholly support fostering a love for reading and they do bring back a sense of nostalgia. But I was poor growing up. I didn’t get money from my parents to shop at the book fair. I got the paper flyer, flipped through and circled the things I wanted, but these circles were pointless. It was a wish list that went unfulfilled. I’d see the other kids come back with their stacks of goods and it was just another reminder that we were separate. These kids weren’t like me.
I wasn’t angry or sad. I was just…. reminded. And I didn’t really like feeling that way. I wanted to be more.
So, I worked hard and became more.
And now, my kids can circle that flyer, leaving no page untouched, and come home with some of their wishes. Of course, I reel them in because I’m not dropping a month’s salary on books. Plus, all too often they wanted the most glittery, sparkly, ridiculous book/gift combo that’s like $40 F’ing dollars. Um, hard pass child. That’s mostly crap that will break in a day and, though I could afford the $40 if they really wanted something, I’m not about just tossing my money in the trash.
I can give my kids a budget, not an empty hand. A budget that some volunteer has to help them stick to because kids have absolutely no concept of money. They have a budget, but at least they can go and not sit on the “I am poor” spot on the floor, while the rich kids shop their hearts out. They can peruse the little pop-up store illuminated by the fluorescent lights of the library and check out with their purchases. They can feel like little adults, shopping without their parents, not ashamed or left out because their adults can’t afford this extravagance. And I mostly feel good inside that my kids don’t have to experience what I did. That they don’t feel separated or different from their peers because of their financial status.
Buuuuuttt, at the same time, it’s like…you little turds are spoiled AF. Do you realize this?! Do you realize how EASY your life is? How smooth and unchallenged? I want to knock them down a few pegs and make sure they comprehend that this isn’t a given. Not all kids get the chance to spend money on unnecessary crap. Yeah, yeah “foster a love of reading! Book fairs support the school!” Let’s be real. You can get books for free at the library and these book fairs are controversial in their actual benefit to schools. Kids can learn to love reading in other ways that don’t cause obvious division by financial status.
This book fair, for me, is just another pit to pour money into because I have offspring. And I pour my money into this pit because I don’t want them to feel less than. But I don’t want them to feel more than, either. I want them to realize that not all kids get to participate because their parents just don’t have any extra money to give. I want them to understand that they are fortunate.
I worry sometimes that they are too fortunate, too spoiled. That they don’t have enough struggles and challenges in their life. Conflict builds character, after all.
Being a parent is so hard. You want to give them everything you never had…but you have to balance that with not raising spoiled, ungrateful, leeches of society who think – because they breathe – they deserve everything.
The Scholastic Book Fairs used to be a reminder of what I didn’t have. They were a reminder of how little I had. Now, they’re a little reminder of what I’ve built. I’ve given my kids a life where they can circle the entire damn catalog and actually walk away with SOMETHING—but that doesn’t mean I want them to take it for granted. So, I’ll keep having the conversations, keep reeling them in, and keep finding that impossible balance between giving and grounding. Because that’s parenting—constantly walking the line between too much and not enough.
Behind the post
Ok, so Vince said I should provide context or backstory sometimes to the posts I write. I am begrudgingly taking his advice for this post (and maybe others in the future) to provide you detail on why I wrote this. I’ll be doing these little backstories for any of my posts that I think might deserve a wee bit more context.
My kids haven’t been to a book fair in some years, so this post is kind of out of left field. But I happened upon a meme a few weeks back about the book fairs and it triggered me. I was again reminded of my childhood and how different it is from my kids’ lives. Thus, this post was born.