i’ve never done this before (a hurricane prep story)

Vince and I were at the gas station yesterday to fill up our 3 gas cans and car in prep for Hurricane Milton. It’s busy AF. Hurricane prepping has begun, and people are running around like ants when water starts to fall. There’s a lady in front of us pulling a U-Haul trailer, almost taking up two spots. No biggie. We park behind her and begin filling the cans.

Vince overestimates the power of the flow and gets shot right in the eye with gas. Been there dude. Know the feeling. Control yourself next time. He’s basically blind now and needs me to tell him when the can is near full. But he’s not blind enough to NOT notice how cute the chick driving the U-Haul in front of us is. As he is filling up the can, she begins to attempt to get herself out of the tight spot she found herself in.

I get in our car, preparing to pull forward once she backs up and moves out of the way. She was unsuccessful. She gets out and asks us if we could move a bit so she can have more room to back up and get out.

“I’ve never drove one of these before,” she says, giggling to Vince. He giggles right back and says “I’m not much help. I can’t drive one either.”

Awwwww, you two are so fucking cute. Samesies.

Vince barks at me to back it up. You would have thought the place was on fire or something. Let’s move heaven and earth at rapid speed for this chick just because she looks like a model for pumpkin spice lattes.

Men are so typical. Show them a damsel in distress and their penises turn into swords.

Whatever. I don’t really give two fucks if he ogles U-Haul chick. I point out cute girls in public to him all the time. I’m comfortable enough in our relationship that he can look, and it truly doesn’t bother me. But I will make fun of him for it, and I will call him an asshole if he acts like one.

So, I get in and back up a wee bit, trying to give princess some room. There was a car behind me so I can only go so far. I wait, watching her unsuccessfully try to maneuver out of the spot.

Vince, oh so upset for his princess, yells at me to move. Again, like something was on fire and immediate action was required.

Sweet God, chill out. I back up more and pull over to the right a bit to give her the space. You guessed it, it was not enough space. Princess never did this before, remember.

Seeing her stuck, he screams at me from across the gas station to move out of the way. Gesturing with his one arm wildly as the other is still filling our 5-gallon gas can.

Heads turn. He’s loud folks.

I yell back at him from the car, “You’re an asshole!” More heads turn. I think a dad ear-muffed his daughter two rows over. Ah, public screaming and humiliation. Hap, hap, happy hurricane prepping.

I pull completely away and circle around the gas station, coming back into our spot; U-Haul chick is now gone. I will say, for the record, that up until this point, I did not acknowledge the fact that I noticed Vince noticing the chick was cute.

I get out and start bickering with him about yelling at me. We go back and forth, not fighting, mind you. We are just speaking loudly at each other. It’s what we do – especially after being together for so long.

Heads continue to turn.

We both simmer down. The smell of gas fumes surrounds us as Vince begins to put the one gas cap on the can. I pick the other cap up and begin to place it on the other can. While doing so, I can’t help myself…. I say in my best mockingly sweet damsel in distress voice:

“I’ve never done this before, Vince. Can you help me?”

A smile starts to spread to the corners of his mouth, and he starts giggling. He knows exactly why I said what I just said. He knows I know exactly why he acted that way.

The next words out of his mouth were “I love us.“

If you wanted to know what our relationship is like, there ya go. And to the folks at the Shell gas station on Morris Bridge Road, I’m sorry I cursed. Let’s all get ready to hunker down.