jaded

I’ve haven’t written much lately. Been distracted I guess by other things. Minor to-do’s. Finding ways to save a little moola (cut out some subscriptions I really didn’t need and lowered my homeowner’s insurance by $1,000…. boo-yah)! Analyzed my stock portfolio and consolidated our investments. Began preparing our taxes and Gianna’s birthday book. I’ve worked on side projects for Vince’s door insert business. Made this snazzy catalog to showcase all the insert options to help customers choose what they want.

Hard adulting stuff over here.

But writing has just taken a back seat for a while. I’ve made little notes about things throughout our day that made me smile or laugh or go WTF. Like the whole entire dinner conversation my family had last week about my vaginal grooming habits. Literally, I had to defend and explain why my lady bits look the way they do. Weirdly enough, they ALL had an opinion about it. Quite hilarious and real. Something I know you all would likely enjoy hearing about. Well, at least I think you would.

I didn’t write about it though. I don’t know why. I guess maybe I’m jaded on why I am doing this. Writing my blog, that is. I like to write. But there is SO MUCH TO DO in my life that sometimes writing seems wasteful unless I need it for therapy, or I want to document something for my kids. Like, is anyone really reading this and giving a shit? Are my words making any impact or helping people? Why am I wasting all this time and money slapping my thoughts and experiences out on the internet?

My free time is so limited right now between all the things I need to do, or MAKE myself need to do, that I’m struggling right now to prioritize writing. It’s so easy to just sweep this part of me under the rug and let all the other “important stuff” take up my time. Stuff that I can see makes an impact or makes us money.

I mean I hope my kids will read or listen to some of this someday. I think they would appreciate this digital record of my life and theirs. But at that point, who knows what kind of crazy technology shit will be out there. They might be able to have a hologram of me, loaded with all my memories, and talk to that hologram Mom like it was me. At that point, this blog is useless and should just die.

I guess I’m just feeling jaded right now. Like I don’t know what to do with myself and I don’t know if my passion project for the past 6 years or so has been a waste of time.

This is probably a funk that I’ll get over. Maybe a mini-midlife crisis? I’m just feeling really blah, and this abysmal weather is not helping. Florida should not be this cold and dreary. I didn’t move a thousand miles away from family to get the same shitty weather we had in Pittsburgh. I’d like to order the sun and warmth back please. And a bit of validation and reassurance that what I’m doing here isn’t a total waste.