the voices made me do it

Sometimes I hear this voice in my head that warns me not to do something. And usually, I ignore it. Like the cartoon angel and devils on my shoulder battling it out. Except I have an angel, a devil, and voices of fear, worry, curiosity…you know – all the characters from the movie Inside Out plus a few more. I may not like real parties, but maybe because there’s a party always going on in my head. Well, that and I’m an introvert and small talk exhausts me. Anyways, these voices are all talking to me, helping me make choices and decisions, and I typically tell fear, worry, and caution to sit down and let’s have fun! Not that I do bad or crazy things, but I often ignore perceived risks. I don’t operate in fear. Never did. 

But as I get older and wiser, I think I need to let that voice have some say…sometimes.

I made a small step towards this recently. I had my coffee ready one morning and was making my way upstairs with it to get my toddler out of bed. This is something I always did, taking my coffee upstairs. But this was the first time I went to do it after we just got new carpet installed in the house we were selling.

As I was making my way to the steps, my inner voice of caution said, don’t do it… it might spill.

My other inner voice of recklessness immediately piped in. Nahhhh do it! You’ll be careful. Don’t worry about it! Usually that is the voice I listen to. The risk taker. But this day, the other voice didn’t stop. It came in a little bit louder.

What’s the point?! Why risk it?!

Then me, the hearer of those voices, takes a minute. Hmmm, inner cautious voice, that’s true. Why risk it? Is having my coffee upstairs really worth the risk of accidentally spilling it on the brand-new carpet? Especially when we are selling and have an open house in two days?”

That’s logic. That’s something I should listen to.

No, it’s not really worth it. I like my coffee hot, but I can microwave my cup if it’s cold by the time I come back downstairs. No big deal.

So, I listened to the cautious voice. Which doesn’t usually happen. And who knows if I would have spilled the coffee or not. But I was proud of myself for this small baby step. I felt like I was one step closer to being more of an adult, even though I’m 40. One step closer to being a wise woman that earned all this gray hair on my head.

I share this moment with you in case you also have full-blown discussions and decision making with multiple voices in your head. You’re not alone! You’re not a basket case! We all do it! 

If you don’t hear many voices in your head and talk with them like I do, then I’d like to also caveat this post with the fact that my family has a history of mental illness.

So do with that what you will.