Five years ago, I self-published a children’s book. Was it a success? I wouldn’t say so. Not because the story wasn’t decent. I think it had a good message in it to inspire children to read books. However, the illustrations done by the publishing company were pretty crappy and pictures are super important in children’s books. Since I wasn’t 100% proud of the end result, I didn’t really over-promote the book.
However, while not proud of the book itself, I was proud of the accomplishment. I did it! I wrote and published a book. Yay me! Before this blog, that short story about a muse was the only proof I had that I could write something. After that book, I had an itch to keep going and would mess around with other ideas for children’s stories.
And, one day, I got a jolt of inspiration.
BOXES
Yes. Boxes. Stay with me. Like many children, I loved playing with empty boxes. They were a blank canvas for my imagination. I made houses out of them. Kitchens. Spaceships. Buses. They were the best! I didn’t have much growing up. My family was poor. So, I used to think I played with boxes because of that. However, now as an adult (and parent), I realize ALL kids play with boxes. Much to the annoyance of their parents who dropped $80 on a stupid ass Doc McStuffin’s Vet Center and the kid is more thrilled by the $2 box it came in.
Rich or poor, girl or boy, the love of boxes is universal….which led me to:
“BOXES”
Yes, the OTHER kind of boxes. Box, if you don’t know, is a slang word for your lady bits. I told you before, I have a somewhat crude sense of humor even though I am a prude. My mind immediately found it hilarious to think of the comparisons between how kids play with cardboard boxes, and how those innocent uses of imagination can be perverted into gross things for your crotch box.
Let me show you “How to Play with My Box”
And so, I thought it would be a good use of a blog entry to share my second children’s story that is somewhat inappropriate…but no more so than “Go the F*ck to Sleep” or the lesser know classic “Do You Want to Play with My Balls?”
Us parents need a little laugh to get us through the stressful days where our greatest victory is just keeping these things alive.
How to Play with My Box
by Kristina Curtin
Toys are fun and us kids always want more.
But did you know, the best toy of all is one that you can’t buy in a store?
Some kids think this toy is just a piece of trash.
But with a touch of creativity and imagination…just a dash.
This toy will come to life, right in front of your eyes.
If you don’t want to play with it, I would really be surprised.
The best toy of all is MY BOX!
Don’t believe me? Well, I have proof.
This is not just my opinion,
My friends love to play with my box too!
Sure, my box might look plain at first,
Nothing special and a little bare.
But add a little glitter and use some scissors
I can give it sparkle and flair!
My box can be anything your imagination dreams it to be.
My friend Davey likes to put my box on his head,
Like he’s a pirate on the dreaded Red Sea.
Lay my box on its side and it transforms into a playground.
Oliver pretends there’s a swing inside,
And even a slide to go down on!
My friend Jessica likes to bang on my box,
Pretending she’s a drummer in some cool rock band.
Michael likes to lay back inside, nice and snug,
Like he’s at the beach in the warm, wet sand.
My box can be a puppet, a robot, or a doll.
Megan likes to put her hand up inside,
Making my box jump and dance for us all!
My box can be a treasure chest,
Julia stuffs with jewels found throughout the day.
Or a dump truck Noah can put a load in,
Wood or steel, don’t worry,
My box can handle both, a-OK.
At least that’s what I thought.
But too much playing made my box fall apart!
I tried bandages, honey, sticky tape, and even glue.
But once your box breaks,
I guess there’s nothing you can do.
Boxes may seem strong,
But they’re quite delicate.
Please take this lesson from me.
Be gentle with your box.
You and your friends better play with it very carefully.
What can you do with your box?
This story has yet to be officially published. My box has been getting dusty, waiting to greet the world. Sorry, couldn’t help myself.
Once I get some halfway decent illustrations, I plan on self publishing again and sharing my box with everyone. But, in the meantime, I thought it would be fun to share here, and get your input.
What are some other funny box comparisons you can think of? Awesome contributions may be included in the final release. “Load” me up, whether here in the comments, on Facebook, or email! I’ll give you acknowledgements in the book of course, but probably no money because 2% of nothing is nothing, folks.
Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions remain my own.
Can’t wait to read, gonna be a funny one!! Kids sure do love those boxes don’t they lol!!!?
Paint me a picture
[…] feels sad for baby me when I see the photo-less pages and I read in my childhood handwriting that my favorite toy is a box. Yes, a box. This makes the children’s story I shared recently even sweeter, doesn’t […]